MySecretHeaven

2008-02-01T04:54:00.000-08:00

I know i will miss you. But once again goodbye & nvr look back...

Idiotic school

2007-10-23T05:32:00.000-07:00

Its simply a fuck up day. With tons and tons of stuff making me so fustrated.
Idiotic. Bitches and dumb.
Sick of that so call holy school which suppose to be symbolism of innocence.
Innocence?
Pls all i c is jus those sickening bloody arrogant faces and fakeness.
All I c, is people making use of another.
All I c, is people seeking for companionship because of one asshole project.

Dont put me off like im some kind of idiot.
Give me an immediate answer, YES or NO!!
Bitches...

Dont put expectations on me.
I hate that kind of longing look.
As if i gotta give for every single thing i get.

Stop disturbing me when u got me so fustrated.
Im not ur doggy, which i can come and go as u wish.
You are not sorry and yet your want my forgiveness.

Im tired. I wish to go back yet I cant.
4 more months of school and I can only hope that days jus went by like tt....

Life Recently

2007-08-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

Its been a reali long time since i last blog. Had it been one month or two month? I reali dont rmb nw but anyway for those who had been making an effort to look back at this blog, im back today. Had been dealing with my chinese blog, no matter wat, my chinese is still better than my eng. Maybe some of you can try visiting it at www.wretch.cc/blog/xqueenyingx . Just some channel for me to express my thoughts and views about certain issues.
Well, its exam period and first time ever in my life, im so stress over exams. 5 full module and each of them is all memorising work. I totally sux at memorising stuff, how i missed last semester when i have 2 calculating modules to spare me. But anyway, its not my style to mug totally for exams. As and when i will give myself a break from the lecture notes, and free myself to tv or youtube. Hehe.
As september is nearing, its been almost one year since Fahrenheit release their first album. I can foresee that for the future one or two months, the market will be bombarded with all their products. From what i know will be 2 sets of shows and 2 CD (including one OST), just that they had not yet been shipped to Singapore. I guess by then, my Fahrenheit Craze period will be back. But now, its not Chun anymore, aiming a new guy... XD. I had looked up the few music stores these few days for Danson Tang's CD. Its out in Taiwan on the 18th and yet, the stores are still not sure when they will have it in Singapore. GOD!!! I think i had to wait for at least 2 weeks or worse months. I realli cnt wait to get my hands on the CD. Its nice and worth buying for.
When im at JP today, saw 2 of my sec frens. Well, not reali frens. In fact, theres some sort of misunderstanding between me and one of the guy. Heh, im actually quite happy and some how feel abit proud of myself cos in some ways, i think i changed their views towards me. Those who used to think lowly of me had no chance to say that im ugly any more. It feels so good when guys look at you. Wahaha. Ok, i went abit too far...
O ya, today went for the local movie 881 on the Lunar Seventh Month Getai, the special practice in Singapore. Hmm...im totally so involved in the show. I cried alot and had not regretted in watching the show. The director, Royston Tan's style suits me alot. I watched one of his short flim before, and i find it good. The same goes for this show. Though some of the previews comments and feedbacks are not that good, but i believe that i get what the director is trying to convey. Hmm...not those typical commercial movie, a little of theatre effects were added in, which is just right for me. Ya, the hokkien songs are nice too.
So... 2 papers down and still have 3 to go. Soon, i will be release from the hell im going through now and continue my route to beauty. Ahaha..im preparing to meet my idols, waiting for them to come Singapore. Must present the best of myself when i meet them. :)
Okie, thats all. NIte everybody and i will try to come back here if i can. Cos like i said, im reali stuck with my Chinese blog, so determined to make it a successful one :D

Munching food

2007-06-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

Common test is over but dont tink i will do very well. I owas sux and memorising work and somemore, im over confident for comp le. End out not enought time to memorise everything well and got everything mix up, causing me to crap in exam hall. Shit, its been so long that i crap lo, dunno hw will i do for comp paper. Haiz...
Then went for steamboat with Enting, Hanloon and Yongsin today at Marina South. Ate quite alot of stuff, haha i so happy, loads of prawns. Yeah!! Den i eat one very big clam like thing. I dunno what issit call, but its nice. Wanted to eat mussels den, but dont have, so the nearest subsitute i can find will be the clam thing. Should have eaten more, but i noe more of that and my rashes will come :(
As usual, eating with them is lame but fun. Budden one thing not fun is Hanloon and Enting eat very little and dey said that they are full. Its like im jus warm up and dey say dey are full. Me and Yongsin ate away another hour plus after dey stop. Haiz. Like that twelve dollar gone sia, should have eaten more. The fun of eating steamboat is when everybody starts to cook together..woohoo, e feeling is super good.
Wonder why i ate so much today? Issit cos i so long never eat these kind of steamboat le or issit cos eating while chatting is actuali an entertainment? Budden after eating so much, im still not full neh, in fact i start to feel hungey when im on the train going home. LOL, if this continues, i will become a FAT PIG!!!
Anyway, flip through some neoprints today and is like wow, 2 years can change people quite alot. Time reali can do wonders, but at the same time it can do serious damage too :( Everybody more or less look different as compared to year 1. Enting definitely look prettier than before, and ahaha of course me myself. Yeah!! I noe im bhbing
Okie, anyway enough of the fun and next week tink is project week le. It will all be work work and work. Haiz, thats the way of life and one more month, we will be through. Yeah again.
Nite everybody :)

IF I CAN NOT CARE

2007-05-31T07:11:00.000-07:00

I know its like the dunno hw mani times i repeat myself again and again that i hate responsibilities. How i wish that my that sense of responsibility can go away so that i can get myself a good night rest and dont feel guilty. How i wish that i can be trusting in other people so that i can dump them with all the stuff and not care about anything. People have lots of things to be busy with, work, bf/gf, family, shopping, outing, studies. Yeah, onli i have nothing to do. Hw come they can do their stuff so feely without any guilt while i cnt?
I overestimated my own ability. Im like owas worrying over nothing, and even thats something serious, nobody will care anyway. If theres ways that i can handle matters myself, i wont even go around begging. I owas hate the feeling of being so vulnerable and looking at people faces, as if im vulnerable or inferior or wateva u call that. It simply sux too much. But, even when i do that, people will still give me ridiculous reasons that even a 3 year old child can give me. Happened again and again, tell myself again and again not to worry about stuff, but time and again, im owas panicking over these stuff, and time and again, i got rejected when i beg for help.
I can onli blame myself for worrying too much. I can only blame myself for taking too much within me. I can only blame myself when people dont appreciate. I can only blame myself for being so contridicting. I wanna have a good night rest but at the same time, i dont trust people. I rather do everything all by myself. Is it my problem, or the world's problem? I dunno, dont bother to answer. You guys will say its my problem anyway.
Hey, this gal is owas so skepital and cynical bout stuff. Yeah, you can say that. Indeed, I AM!! I dont wish to fend for myself. Those who know me well will know. I do care wat people think bout me, but times, i can dont care AT ALL!! Sorry and sad to say that, i owas wish to be alone. OWAS!! EVer since sec2 that stupid thing done by that stupid gal i owas wish to be alone. Yet, i noe its not possible. Its IMPOSSIBLE for one to live all alone. NOBODY HAD THE ABILITY. WE ARE DEPENDENT ON EACH OTHER.
If i wasnt born now. If i was to born centuries ago, when everything seems possible. GO on wandering, fishing, farming, or even lived in an island where onli me and the animal exist, its paradise. SIMPLY PARADISE.
THE WORLD IS COMPLICATED. Frens turning into enemies, family become strangers, colleagues become devil, work becomes hell. F*** F*** F***. I jus wans to keep swearing till the end of the world. When people likes you, you are afraid of their support, but when people hates you, you have nothing to fear. You can do wateva you want, cos nothing is worse than that.

Basketball

2007-05-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

Have been down for a few days with block nose and sore throat. Wednseday, jus so happen that both me and enting fall sick together. Its not like those normal cough or anything, i jus feel weak and enting is as though her whole body was aching. Then the 2 of us decided to skip T&D lesson, which we think that it caused some unhappiness from the T&D tutor. Budden haiz, its not like we reali pon or anything, its real OK!
Running on mild fever through the nite and today at sch im fine (except for the running nose part), budden poor enting still running a fever. Haiz. Think hers is much more serious than mine by. My peak is yesterday while hers, tink its today ba.
Well, then nite went play basketball with dad, bro and sis. Initially i refused to go, then its onli after some considerations that the urge to play comes in. Furthermore, i should pespire more in order to recover faster..haha. Well, do some shooting and running before someone came and wanna challenge my dad 2 on 2. Thats the firs time me and my dad played as a team. Initially the game is ok, still had the energy to run about and enjoy the game, but by the time we are at the last few balls, my battery run flat. The four years of emptiness and absence of training had left me with nothing but fats. Haiz. Thankz to dad, we trash. Out of 11, i tink i onli score 2 or 3.
Well, its been so long since i touched basketball. Occasionally the urge to play will come, but find no one to play with. Its rare that i can play match, tink the last match i played is around 2002 when the team is playing national champ. Haha. Thats like 5 years ago!!!
On the whole, fun and tired day. Hope enting will recover fast from her fever. Nite everybody.

Life Recently

2007-05-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

Six weeks had passed since school reopen. Life was nothing but hectic, nothing but rushing projects after projects. Howeva, something had turned out better in school compared to five weeks before when we firs met our new classmates. Now at least, the 2 groups of chinese speaking people (some english) can mix rather well. Well, its not like the two groups will go to lunch together, but on the bottom line, Hi and Byes are necessary now. Furthermore, sometimes i enjoyed the teasing of SzeMay by the 3 surname in one name guy. Though, sometimes the teasing gets little over or make my hair stands...haha. Yah, and theres one more thing. Somehow, i gotta thanz this tutorial class. Cos without this class, i will not be able to speak to the gal whom i owas dislike. A few years after separation and back to the same class, have made me more matured and accepting towards her. Thanz god that im no longer prejudice against her.
Next, im enjoying my writing than before. Just some time ago, when im so bleak bout wat i wanna do. To publish book, write scripts and stuff like that. I start to doubt myself if, im more of a maths & science person than a literature type of person. But things change on Sunday when im ready to expose some of the stuff that i've wrote to Enting, she actuali starts to encourage me on my writing career. Im a lil nervous before i send her e link cos its the firs time eva that im opening it to someone else besides my cousin and im afraid that the critics and feedback isnt too good. Im so relieved and happy when she gave me her comment. Ahaha. Then just yesterday nite, i let my dad read some of the stuff i've wrote oso. Not too much of negative and positive opinion but at least somehow he recognise what i write. Now now, my confidence is at its higher peak and im reali determine to continue to write for the rest of my life. Haha.
So, that will be all. Nite everybody. Love everyone who makes my life. MUACKS!

Love? Wait a little longer perhaps.

2007-05-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

People around me are having their happiness. Having their boyfriends to dote and spent time with them. Seriously, im a little jealous and envy at the same time. Had been feeling very lonely at nite recently and i dunno where and how to get this feeling off. I hate it...simply hate it.
I badly need that someone who know me inside out, who can tolerate my tempers and listen to what i wanna say. I used to tink that i owas had no lack of place to get off the woes inside me but now, not anymore. I feel that i am being cut off from the world. No ways and means to let everything out. Im scared that those stuff compressed in me will soon explode... or maybe a suicide? It feels that everyone have their own life, but i dont have.
I'd longed for that concern. Its in the family sometimes ago, but as time flows, i dunno where the concern had gone to. Issit my fault that in the first place i didn care enough? But the prob is, i dont care enough for everything. School work, money matters, family, frens and other stuff as well, i never care much. I never wanna care.
Warmth? Maybe its the thing that is lack in me. Or mayb, is like wat enting said before, i lack of that passion for life. Mayb i once had them? But again, i dunno where they had gone to. Coldness. Be it physically or mentally.
I'd wan love but firs i have to learn not to reject love. Rejecting concern, mocking at love, detesting closeness, avioding responsibility is owas my hindrance to love. To love, to need means to depend and to loose, which im afriad of all of them. Im so afraid of them that i deter away and pretend that i dont need love. I pretended that im owas aloof and alone.
I loose the ability to love somewhere along the road and i owas envy other who are owas deeply in love. I need someone to teach me to love and be loved. Just like someone teaching a baby to walk and talk patiently. I need the patient, and i need that someone to teach me!! BADLY!! DESPERATELY!!
I guess this is some kind of mental illness. I reali dunno when it will be cured, just hope that i wont do anything silly just to overcome the feeling of lonely....

Dream Guy

2007-05-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

Today, i suppose its not too bad a day for me. Besides the fact that our group is finishing on one project, i saw my dream guy on the bus today (well not that dream actually).
This morning when im taking 154 to school, this guy wearing school uniforme sit beside me. Ok, i noe hes at least one or two year old younger than me, and thats why i said hes not tt a dream guy afterall. Out of curiosity, i jus turned my head and i saw this thing glitering in the sunlight that turn me on so much -- the cross earring. God, hes wearing it on one side and he style his hair so cool. One look, he give me the feel of Lee Jun Ki though im sure Lee Jun Ki is definitely better looking than him.
But the thing is, in such a society in Singapore, its so rare for a guy to wear dangling earrings. Im searching for this type of guy.
There are somethings jus cannot be explained. Im nt a christian and not much a big fan of church, but how the whole idea of crazing over the cross make me wonder much. No matter who wears it, so long as its a dangling piece of earring or a necklace, that person just automatically gives me the sexy feel and, IM SO TURNED ON BY THAT!!
Ok, besides the dream guy, actuali have some chat with Rachel bout Sec sch times. Ha, though not much of nice memory but ahh...it still feels good to catch up on old times isnt it? Furthermore its funny that how we two dont talk in Sec sch can talk so much now. Heehee.
Last, yeah to bro who lend me his hp (still figuring on hw to use it) and hopefully i get to go Zoo on thurs. Haha. Tml is the HR compulory bonding day and lets hope its fun. Nite everyone. :)

HR CONGRESS

2007-05-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

Finally, the HR congress is over for most of us. Well, if i had more energy and more task at hand, maybe the congress will be more fun. Im not saying that its not fun, just that its not as fun as it should be, but still its an enjoyable and a learning experience for me. On wed, 2nd May, everybody had to gather at Grand Corpothorn Waterfront Hotel at 6.30 am, meaning that i have to wake up at 5am to get ready. Haha and lucky me i didn overslept.
Well, although they asked us to gather so early, we were only being briefed at about 7am, and the first task of the day is to usher people at the registration counter. I guess initially the management people werent very happy with us cause we were scared of talking to the people and missed most of them. I think they see it as a kind of skiving of duties. Then i was asked to go level 3 to guide people to level four, and there i met MR LIM SWEE SAY( though i say met, in actual fact, its just saw). Hes the most punctual ministers, i heard some delegates saying the ministers are late most of the time and they are impressed, haha. Then later on, since nobody brief on the usherer( my original duties) on what to do and nobody was in charge, i switched job to join May and Enting on F&B support, which is rather slack and boring. All we had to do is to try pushing people into the 2 exhibition rooms, ensure the place is not too crowded and also not to let those people should not eat first to eat, and other than those time, we had nothing to do. At about 4 plus when the last refreshment session is over, most of us moved into the secretarial room to slack, sleep and skive. Heehee. Though its abit sian and tiring, the whole experience is fun as we get to make alot of new frens within the same lecture hall. There, they dont seems so frightening and unfriendly. In fact, we just talk and chat whateva we can even though we dunno each other in the first place, and some till now, i still dunno their names!!
Then today went for the seminars. This time not a student volunteer but a delegate. Well the seminars are very practical issues and are useful, especially the first one on how unions can do to help solve employment problems in Singapore.
Yah and one last thing. Over the last few days, i had been observing this guy alot. The guy with name that has 3 surnames. I can onli say that, hmm i dont quite like him. Well, the firs impression he give me is that hes actuali a very nice and quiet guy. Yah, hes still a nice guy but not a quiet one. In fact hes too noisy, a little bit of a flirtatious social butterfly. Hes like owas sticking around with gals and appear like a XIAO BAI LIAN, yah and of course, i caught some other gossiping about him too.
To think that i initially tink that he behave like Vanness WU. OMG, i take back what i say cos its totally different.
THere, i will stop here. I had a nice day, hope all of u too. SMILEZ.

Dine out...

2007-04-28T01:54:00.000-07:00

After studying in Ngee Ann for bout 2 years plus, Me and Enting finally know how to go Holland V from school. Hmm...the process was bit of adventure though. We were told by May that we can take either 75 or 61, then we shld alight when we c a cold storage and a overhead birdge. So, when we saw both of that at Holland Drive, we both alight though knowing that the possibility of that place being Holland V is very slim...
After some walking and another bus ride, we finally arrived at Holland V. Since we are still early, me and enting walk around Holland V. In need of finding a small coin pouch to put my MP3 player. After that met Hanloon and YongSin, so there we go for dinner at dunno wat Hog's Wrath Cafe. The variety is limited but manage to order a main course consist of chicken and mash potato, enting ordered Atlantic Salmon and both the guys order steak. I mus admit that im a lil tempted by the steak but since i swear to god that im nt eating them in 10years, i kept my promise. Ahaha. The food was not too bad, but jus that the serving is a lil too big, making me too full and with a sense of sickness in the stomach. Budden Enting say that the restaraunt is already slashed off from her list..Haiz. Though finished eating, the 4 of us stayed awhile and have some chat. Not realli a chat la cos most of the time, im owas being shoot by HanLoon. Grrr...
Then the place beome so crowded with so many people waiting, we left the restaraunt at bout 8 and headed for Starbucks for another round of chat. This e firs time that i went Starbucks. Dont reali like to drink coffee so ordered Raspberry Cream based ice blended. Enting said that after finishing that, i will die of fatness. Haiz. After that proceed on to the chat. By then, Im already like quite tired so didn reali join in the convo, somemore dunno wat to say oso. Hanloon and Enting jus keep saying that im owas in my own thoughts. But i swear to god that i reali listen to their chat and laughed most of the time. Haiz, TInk its been long i have like that, other than sometimes entertaining myself.
Then bout 10, we leave StarBucks. After yesterday, i reali feel that its impossible for me to laugh like that in T44. The class is simply DEAD AND COLD. It reali does feel good if these kind of meeting can be hold often but i doubt there will anymore of this.
On the whole, its a nice nite. Good Day everybody.

Evil..

2007-04-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

Firs tutorial jus started yesterday. Haiz, can i say that its a bad experience, a bad tutorial grp and bad classmates? Heh, but still we are still lucky to get a grp member which the 3 of us happy with. Thanz god that we shake the bitches off and im ready for nxt mon to see bitches ended up with no groups. Even if they have, they gonna to have a bad time cos Compensation tutor is very persistent bout 4person per group and e no. of ppl for e integrated project differs for each module. Woohoo, bad time for them. While at the same time, hope that all projects can be finished in time.
Hmm...since dunno when, i seems to let the bad part of me to wander freely by themselves. Its like i am no longer surpressing that bad n evil part of me OR i simply cannot keep them in control. Evil thoughts, crude language, negative emotions (esp those angry ones) owas able to find their way to me.
I noe sometimes by letting these thoughts surface to the top is call "Be yourself" budden when it becomes too often, it kinda be abit irritating and by then, people starts to deter away from you. Anyway in the firs place im like tinking that is that "BE yourself" or jus that i have become a badder person. Is it the fact that im over confident, tinking that im superior than others or i have such low esteem that i can onli resort to critize people in order to gain back my confidence?
Ha...come to tink of it, its been sometime, i had praise someone. SHould do this one of this time and its time to ready to curb this bad habit.

School Reopening...

2007-04-14T04:44:00.000-07:00

Jus one day plus to school reopen. For the whole of last week, i had reformatted my IBM laptop and tried reinstalling those software that my comp used to have. It is onli today that Enting and Me went back school to try installing Microsoft Office and Norton. I can only say, its a mistake to go today. We can go on anytime earlier but not from today onwards.
The situation was bad. Very Bad. Plenty of year one students went back to school to get their softwares installed. My comp gana jammed and restarted a few times due to the lagging of school server. O, WTF, if i knew this will happen, i wont even go reformat my comp in the firs place. At least, i need not stand all the waitings. We waited bout 3 hours before the school server starts to run abit faster when some people left, and another hour plus for the whole thing to load and be fully installed. Add up all the time we wasted, its bout 4-5 hours of waiting. F***.
Ok, enough of the complaining, lets go back to school reopen. Its owas my habit to prepare new stuff for a new semester. Be it new shoes, bag, clothes, stationary or some other stuff. At least i tink by shopping for all these stuff will tends to increase my enthusasiam for school. Yeah, for this coming sem, i gotta lots and lots of new stuff. AHaha.
Just an hour ago, my and mum just went shopping at JP. We went there once i got home from school. Needless to say, im tired and practically had no mood to shop around. Haiz, but mum just keep pulling me around. Handphones, skincare product & ect. Things onli starts to get interesting when we enter BodyShop. Owas been tinking of buying perfume and i noe that BodyShop gt just wat i wan, so i jus went in and look around when mum was looking at some firming lotion. Then i pull ma to looked at the perfumes. Soon, we are talking bout which bottles and scent to buy instead of whether to buy it anot. Ahaha.
Ya, women, owas shopping for the uneeded stuff. We shopped just BodyShop alone for hundred over dollars on skincare, perfume and mum's body firming lotion and i tell mum this month, we both can just chew on the products alone since we had bought so many. LoL.
Last but not least, hope the new class will be fun and filled with friendly classmates. Also hope that i will have some romantic encounter soon. AHaha...tts just plain bullshit.

SHOPPING SPREE!!!

2007-04-03T03:28:00.000-07:00

Days at home were boring. Day after day and i tink that i nearly suffer from depression. It got so out of hand that i begin to doubt my own presence, my own personality and the people around me. Budden for those who starts to get worried can be assured that the depression is gone for good. Im jus being kept in the house for too long a period of time. Once i get out of the house and squander some money away, the emptiness will jus go away itself.
Well, went shopping with YP today. Its bout 2years since we last go out and i reali miss those times when we are in PJ during the 3months. Haiz, just the firs few minutes of the meeting, she gave me 2 surprises. One is that she had broken up with her BF who they had been together for bout 3 years. Shes sad, v sad. I mean me being jus a onlooker oso feel the pain, let alone for the person herself. Nxt is that, she actualli noe one of my Pri Sch fren. This particular pri school fren of mine seems to like to mix with my sec school frens alot. Well, something romantic nearly came out of these 2 people,once, and its now over. Howeva theres one thing both of us agree is that JS is real good looking. He got everything a gal wans. The look, the height and the future. That is the main reason why, theres always no lack of gals around him.
Then we came out with this particular idea of going out together. Wahaha. Well, the execution part i will leave it to YP to do it. hehee
Shopped some stuff for school reopen like bag, clothes, bottom and shoes. Haha, of course i spend a great deal of money (Near to a $100), but the feeling is good. Somehow, im ready for school reopen but jus beginning of the month, and im broke, gotta scrimp and save from now on again!!
Reali feel good today and i hope it will feel this good always. Bye everyone. ^^

The Holis

2007-03-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

It had been sometime seems i last blog. Well, its not that im lazy, just that keep slacking around caused me to have nothing to blog. Haiz, sounds rather pathetic.
Well, recently had gotten the results, enrol into new classes and IS modules. I can say that Im very happy with all these. Initially i thought that i will do very bad for my final exams, and had totally give up the idea of obtaining good results to go university. Budden can i say im lucky that the results turn out to be alot better than i expected? The hope to go to Uni somehow rekindled. *Wink*
Since, its holi and most people choose to go work and i chose to slack at hm, naturally i did not have much to do. Most of the time, im either reading or watching some shows on YouTube. Well Well, recently the shows are all not too bad, or issit that im too bore out that so long i have somethin on hand to do, i will be very happy?
Ha, anyway, im catching the anime, BLEACH, Taiwanese Drama, Re Qing Zhong Xia By Joseph & Fang Yang De Xing Xing By Jimmy Lin. Dont be shock that you see Jimmy Lin cos this is a very nice show and Jimmy Lin is still hot as ever. O God, he didn look a least bit like a 33 year old man and you simply could not spot anydifference than he was 15 years back and now. In actual fact, Fang Yang De Xing Xing is nicer than Re Qing Zhong Xia. Its been so long that i wanted to watch something so badly, so think you guys should support this show.
Hmm...during the holis, i actuali did some thinking over my future. Finally, sorted out some thinking and i hope that, my plan for the future will work as it is planned. At the same time, i will continue my reading and writing which i usually did. Maybe sometimes later when im ready, i will open up a chinese blog and there, i will expose everything that i had written for the past few months. Must give me comments k?
2 More weeks and the school will start again. How i look forward to the new class, budden worse come to worse, if the classmates are not friendly, i still have enting and May. Yes, We are in the same class again. Hee.

3Days2Nite on Cruise.

2007-03-04T01:53:00.000-08:00

Yeah guys, its been sometime since i last blog. While being away frm the com, im actually enjoying my holi with frens and families. For Wed, i had went to do some shopping with Linnet. My aim is actually to buy Fahrenheit Pictorial book, budden haiz, i dunno if its still not ship in or its sold out at Kino. I can say im rather disappointed at the fact that i didn manage to get wat i wan. Then there we go and have some lunch at this Korean Restaraunt, which was rather good an economical. Haha...the lunch is very filling and worth it. Taste was nice and u get lots to eat. After tt went for neoprints season and went for KBOX session requested by my bro. SO the 3 of us went there at bout 4plus n sing till bout 9 plus. Haiz...actually i can sing longer, budden bro had to study and Net had to work e next day, so we left the place early.
Then Thurs went Singapore Discovery Centre with KaiLi QianYi & Jean. The original plan is to go Zoo. We had bought lots of tidbits and plenty of drinks but the stupid weather jus dont wanna spare us, keep raining n raining. Discovery Centre is boring, so boring that it bore all the fun out of us. The onli fun thing is that we jus enjoy several games and each other company, thats pathetic. The simulation theatre which is the main attraction of the old discovery centre is gone, disappoint a whole hell out of me n qianyi. Haiz. Then suddenly the plan to go genting flash across some of our mind and we started planning to go in 2 weeks time. We had the price ready but some of us needed to seek permission frm parents. I realli hope we can all go together. I believe that its gonna be fun.
Then Fri i went on board to cruise, the cruise which i say i wanna go frm the beginning of the sem and it was until now that i get the chance. The firs day passed v slowly. Its like we dunno where to go and wat to play. So me and cousin went around to have some pictures, some of the scenary and some of our poses and smiles. Played JackPot too, but haha, i guess lady luck is not by my side, lost $10. This year is realli not a year for gambling. Heehee. Finally nite had arrived, which i had been looking forward to. Uncles me and cousin went for Karaoke Session. We sang from 10 to bout 3am. We are brilliant arent we? Its like the throat never fail us and we can keep singing n singing. By the time we reach our cabin, we were high and tired at the same time, ahaha.
The second day passed faster. We are tinking if its the fact tt we slept half of the day away or issit that time realli passed fast tt day. We woke up had a bathe and head straight for lunch. After lunch, we went for a foot massage session which was good. Its felt so comfortable and relaxing. I hope i can go for more of these next time i board the cruise again. Then nite went Karaoke again. Haha, third time this week, arent i great? But the voice is now coarse beyond one can tolerate, so i give it a miss for several songs. Haha.
The trip on Cruise made me realise one thing. I actually suffered from SeaSick!!! O god!!! That is a cruise man, its not like some smaller ships which u take to Ubin or Sentosa that can waver at the slightest waves and wind. Its a cruise mind u, and it suppose to be stable! I actually got so sick that i puke the firs evening and the second nite is so serious that i decided to turn in early (though nt realli tt early, bout 2am). End out, i became a laughing stock at my grandma hse today. Haiz...pathetic arent i?
I guess, besides the seasick, the cruise is fun though i do wish that i did nt board the cruise in the firs place due to the butterflies in my stomach.
That will be the end of my entry today and i realli hope that my modem will be fixed by tues when i brough to the service centre since i had enough of the connection problems. Bye

Chinese New Year, time for all the gatherings

2007-02-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

Today is the fifth day of new year, i wish all of u a Happy Chinese New Year and hope that everything goes fine for all of u for the rest of the year. Gong Xi Gong Xi.
Chinese New Year is owas a period of time for frens and families to gather and meet up, this year is oso not an exception. For the firs 3 days of new year, the whole family had been spending time together. However, most of the time is gambling with the kids and i had little time for some chats. Well, i can onli say that, i cannot play black jack this year. I had lost almost 20bucks since new year eve. Budden i can say i gt some luck in mahjong. My luck in mahjong seems to turn for the better. Haha... if is gamble, i would have won loads of money.
Haiz... i can onli say that the atmosphere is getting poorer and poorer each year. For some time i tink that Chinese New Year instead of a traditional festival, its jus another excuse for ppl to meet up, update each other and gamble.
Yesterday had went to my ah yi hse. By rite she cannot hold any celebration this year so she jus invite a couple of us to her hse and have some fun. Some of us played mahjong and some of uss gamble. Haz, i nv noe that playing mahjong is so tiring. After playing for bout 2 hours plus, the four of us is like sooo sooo sooo shack. The outcome of the game is im the onli winner...sha sha sha. Wahaha.
Den today went around to bai nian. Went Jean n Qian Yi hse to bai nian. It had been some time since the four of us last met. Finally cos of this chinese new year, we manage to meet up. After that went for sakae sushi and there we went for KBOx. Initially is wanna watch movie de, budden we had debate on wat show to watch for so long that Kaili cannot afford to wait for us and rush off to her bf hse, so bo bian we quickly decide that KBOX is the best choice. This is oso the firs time i went kbox with them. We sang quite alot of songs and ate quite a lot of tidbit too. Thanx to qianyi bro cos he help us get alot of free drinks and free tidbits den end out we drank like bout 2-3 jug of honey. Wahaha.
Heehee, we had decide to go night safari nxt thurs, den sentosa e following thurs den pulau ubin the next next next thurs. Im sooo looking forward to the outing cos its onli during the holis that we can have so much fun and enjoy company of each other. Ahaha.
Tml going Enting dey all de hse. Hope that it will be fun jus like today. And once again, Gong xi gong xi to all of u. Cheers!

Time Flies

2007-02-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

Time realli flies. 18 year old was once so far away and now i had past 18, reaching for 19. Children hope that they will grow up fast but once they pass a certain age, they actually hope that time will slow down for them. I am one of them and i think, many of you will like it too. How nice if i can ever stay on at 16years old. Howeva, if thats so, isnt that unfair to my parents? Year after year they have to slog for living expenses and im not growing up. I guess, thats the way life is, the younger generation will replace the older generation one day.
I browsed thru some photos today. These photos are taken last year. I had changed, my bro had changed, all my younger cousins had changed. I looked different, but the difference could not be compared with my bro and 2 other younger cousins who are at their puberty age. 3 of them had shook of those baby fats and childlike looks off their face. Now i could not call them kid or children anymore. Once upon time, you and me were at that period. Just one year and they had grew up.
How long will it take my sis, my other younger cousins to reach that stage? How long will it take for me to overcome the fear of growing up? Seriously im not prepared to grow up. I had grown so used to someone providing for me, doting and caring for me. I had grow so used to my family and i cant bear the thought that as time pass, the chances for me to loose them increases. I shudder at the thought of how fast time flies. I shudder at the thought that how soon my youth will turn into maturity. I shudder at the thought of all wild dreams will soon gone and being tied down by the reality of the society.
I had once thought that living the same life for over 40 over years is tiring and boring. I hated doing the same things over again. Life on earth for 18 years had been dynamic but i knew that once it is over 20, everything will remain the same, and my life will be stuck there. Meaningless and Boring.
However, isnt it better for me to admit that im jus an ordinary human being in this small small world, in this small small universe?
Seriously, how pathetic can this world turn children into. Children can have the wildest dream of all, but once theygrew up, they are tied up by all the As n Bs in ur report book, tied down by the stress brought by work. Then one day, we discover that we cnt shake off the restriction brought in by the perception of the world. We are afraid that how we are percieved by others. Are we ugly? Are we pretty? Are we successful? Are we pathetic? How are we doing exactly in the eye of the mudane world?
How i hope, one day i can shake off all these troubles, perceptions and restriction and roam the world. Some people can call it a form of escape from life, but im still struggling with my fate. I sincerely do not want to be tied down by the formulated life most people live. Staying in the office for the rest of my life simply seems too much for me.
Being ordinary isnt my fault, but living in people's expectation is my fault, leading a life i dont want is my fault. I can find a way. I believe so.

Exams & New Year

2007-02-06T07:36:00.000-08:00

It had been quite some time since i last blog le, bout one week plus ba. Hmm... since the fahrenheit's autograph session, life had been in a high mood for quite a few days. Heehee. After that follow by a series of shopping for New Year clothes.
Last week, had went orchard with enting may n hui mei. Well, it realli does feel nice n fun shopping with them as u can get more opinion on the things u gonna buy. Ha.. tt day is realli a shopping spree for me as i realli had bought loads of stuff.
Then fri went shopping again with my mum at bugis. Budden before that she gave me a treart at one of the Jap restraunt at Bugis Junction. I can say that the Sashimi is damn nice and fresh. Its not like those normal salmon that you go to any sushi shop to buy. It taste almost like its cooked, and its so Q. After that me n mummy proceed to Double Index and there, mark the end of my new year shopping. All stuff had been bought and im ready for new year.
So far i had bough 1 handbag and a pair of shoes, 2 dress, 2 top and one bottom. Total theres 4 suit for me to wear but e problem is most of em is all back and its kinda bad for me to wear during new year. Ahaha.
Then it should be time to get ready for exams in one week time. But haiz, its so difficult to get started. Wheneva i touch those books and notes, i felt that i had study them numerous times and everything looks so familar to me, feels that no point i read thru again and again.
Then today went town with enting, and her guy and her guy de fren. Haha, shopped around Cine, CK Tangs and Far East Plaza. Finally Enting decide to buy a top at Red2. Woohoo, finally something from there? Thats good. :)
So that will be all for this entry. Valentines is around the corner and i wish all of u happy together with ur valentine. :)

Fahrenheit!!

2007-01-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

Today is 28.01.07. All fans of Fahrenheit in S'pore had been waiting for this day. The only autograph session in Singapore!
Huimei and her fren, and her fren de frens went there v early at bout 9 plus. According to her, at 9 plus lots of people had been waiting. From the DJ, we had know that since yesterday morning, people had been queuing. OMG, theres so many people la. Anyway it had been quite some time since i heard people queue till like tt. The last time i heard is when 5566 come to S'pore, which is bout 1 0r 2 years back.
I went there via shuttle bus at bout 3. Can consider this is the firs time i went to IMM. When i firs reach there, Im abit lost budden still manage to find my way to HuiMei. I nearly cannot go in cos of the security guard. Haha but luckily i bluff my way thru saying that we actualli went to buy some food and i showed him the proof (the mac huimei n her fren are holding), which in actual fact, i cut queue. Then sit there till bout 5 plus, theres a false alarm that Fahrenheit had reached. Pls la, the coordinator so stupid and nv do their hmk, e autograph session will onli start at 6 lo. Budden everyone v kan choing and stand up. There, the squeezing and sweating starts. I nearly faint lo.
Ahaha...queue queue bout 8 plus to 9 den its my turn. Wahaha, im so overjoyed and abit in daze. All i noe by then is to quickly get all my stuff out and showed it to the coordinators. Finally, i talked to my Husband le!! He signed and said, 'xin ku ni le', so good rite? He actualli noes hw hard issit for us to squeeze n squeeze, somemore squeeze for bout 4 hrs.
By then, my mind went blank. Onli manage to murmur a thank you. I noe it sounds weird la, oso dunno e thank you is for wat. I am awake onli when i saw Jiro. So, i tried to say loudly Jiayou. He looked up and shook my hand. OMG, e smile realli like Xiu Yi lo, blur blur cute cute de. and Guess wat, hes e one who i shook hand shook e longest. Wahaha...
Then all the 3 versions of the CD i bought gt their signature on and i shook hands with all 4 of them. I so xin fu...heehee. Though its v tiring budden still feel that its worth it. My firs time going for these type of things. Wahaha

Many things had happened

2007-01-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

This had been a dramatic week for me, so many things had happened within these few days that realli make my mind in a whirlwind.
Since last thurs, all the electric appliances had seems to go on a strike, complaining the continuous and ill treatment recieved. My modem is the firs one to go haywire, den follow by my comp den follow by the TV. O god, internet, games and TV! Suddenly, my house was being rip off from all sources of entertainment and the onli thing i can do is to rot around and read storybook, occasionally crowd into my grandparents room to watch my fave tv show. Finally, the TV is back and i can use the comp, though some prob will still occur.
Oya, then thurs saw waichong when im at gym with enting. Haha..guess i reali changed alot these 2 years, cos he cnt even recognize me at the firs glance. Same thing applies to Kai Siang when me n linnet met him on fri at JP. For tt day, im so paiseh that Net come my hse n do nth cos all e things r down n my bro is nt at hm to play mahjong with us.
After tt, some bad n saddist news come along on Mon. Something hit me so hard that it made me cry the whole night. I even lost control of myself in school the next day. I tink i cried for quite sometime before i decide to keep all emotions within me n find my laughter back. Realli paiseh to May n Enting to hear my complains n emotion these few days. U all had tell me that u all dunno hw to console me but a listening ear is enough bcos i could have died keeping all these within me.
A hole in my family life is enough. I once thought that it was so perfect but nw, I felt that my roots is being pulled out by tt whole sad story. Suddenly, i being to search n tink that who i am actually. Budden well, Im still grateful for all the things dey had done and see me as if im their real X. This actually can be a whole new chapter to my life cos im no longer who i am. This had brought me tinking to some issues in life. Without the roots i used to tink i have, am i still me? Or will that affect of being who i am? U guys tell me. Am i still the HuiYing u all had known me all along.
After that today is worse. Nothing can be worst than this. Had a quarrel with Linnet. I realli dunno hw this thing start. We 2 jus somehow seems to blow everything up n there she refused to ans my call and im cursing n swearing under my breath. Initially, im actually quite upset with her when she didn care enough when smth so big had happened to me. Budden i cnt blame her can i? I didn tell her the thing firs and its thru msg, so things can get abit messy. Nw i noe, nt onli me cn be so stubborn n hot temper. Hers too. Actually this thing did affect me for the whole evening. But Everything i tink, is fine nw ba. Heehee.
C, so much had happened these few days. Tink im in a series of bad luck nw. Hope all these will end soon after the worst luck today. So night everyone.

To Net: tink cos u dunno e whole thing tts y u cnt show enough care, tink find one day i will tell u slowly ba. I noe u had ur own problems too. I jus hope that if i cn depend on u if anything happens and u cn throw everything to me when u had ur own fustration too. Though u said that its ok n theres no need to say sorry, but to me, i still feel that i ought too. Im so caught up with my own problem n feel that u too should give me all ur care n attention. Well, kinda childish n willful. Reali so sorry for being so insensitive. Anyway, nw den i realise hw i hate to quarrel with frens, somemore with someone who had noe me inside out n my closest fren. The feeling realli sux.
By the way, this is our firs time quarrelling rite? Or issit e second time? Dunno last time sec4 tt time consider as quarrel nt. Should record down ahaha cos it dont seems rite if we dont quarrel when both of us r so stubborn n hot temper.

Another disappointment-- Desperateness

2007-01-08T08:52:00.000-08:00

Well, last week i met one ex school mate. He looks matured and realli different from secondary school. Have some nice chat and den say goodbye to him. I tot that mayb, ONLI MAYBE that he can be the one for me since we can still talk after so long and he fits the bill for who i wan. But tts onli the appearance, the outside, not the inside.
Im wrong, REALLI Wrong. I can say that this guy, is yet another disappointment for me. He dont understand, and simply dont understand who am I, what kind of gal i am, what are the things im seeking for. No doubt that what he tell me about life goals and stuff like that is a kind of concern to me but I hate people nagging over the same thing for hours after hours. I HATE people trying to change my lifestyle, trying to interfere my life. I AM MYSELF, the one and onli me in this world. If you are my fren, shouldnt u jus accept for who i am? So whats wrong with being playful and short sighted? I noe what i am doing, i noe bout all the adult issues but i jus dont wanna tink bout it. Not now, not in this stage of life. Its time for some fooling and foolishness. After this period of time, as an adult, you will never be back.
Though its a disappointment but i still can laugh. Laugh at my own stupidity for almost falling for someone who is so not my type and also happy that i need not pin for the impossible. The guy for me will soon come and he will make me feel that im special. At the same time, trusting and accepting me for who i am. However, i mus admit that this disappointment had almost make me feel hopeless. Though i believe that this special guy will come along and make me feel special but who will it be? Issit possible that this one guy will reali appear? Not the firs time these question pop inside my head but all answers are jus not found. THey will onli stop popping onli till answers are found.
Im hopless. Hopeless bout guys. Not say that i will become a lesbian but i jus wanna cut off my need to feel loved, my need to love. All these needs are jus to irritating and make me feel so fustrated each time i tink bout them. O god, when can the answers be found?
Howeva, stil thanz to him that i feel that im lucky once. When Li Heng plays a big part of my life. He actually tinks that we are once together. I realli have to thanz him for thinking it that way cos this will makes me feel better that Li Heng, is once my fren, someone who is quite close .Though, the truth may not be so.
I realli hope that, this is the last time, i feel so vulnerable and helpless towards these issues. Haiz..

Quiet yet Fun

2007-01-02T05:34:00.001-08:00

My new year somehow is different from my Christmas. I jus stayed at home and enjoy the quietness. Howeva, do not be mistaken that quietness means boring, it can be fun oso.
I had went my cousin house overnight on new year eve. Our initial thought is to went countdown at boon lay but we dismiss it after much consideration and Ann dont likes to squeeze with the crowd. Reach their house at bout 9 plus and we played computer games all e way till bout 12 plus. I played Sims while the other had their fill of maple. By then im already quite tired as e previous night i slept onli at 4 but my smaller cousin dont let me sleep. Then my bro and my other 2 cousins suddenly come up with this idea to drink alcohol. Tried 2 combi, Vodka Raspberry with coke and Chivas with coke. One of them said that Chivas with coke is normally sold in clubs budden i prefer raspberry with coke, it taste much better. After that we pick one show to go along with the alcohol, Pink Panther. We had a jolly good laugh but my brother certainly goes hysteric bout e show. He jus keeps laughing n laughing. Though he said no but we all believe that the high feeling is definitely contributed by the drinks.
SO after that we went bed and woke up, its New Year!! Watched another show with eldest cousin then after that we all went gradma house. There, we played several games, all from Xiao Qi Da Cai Shen. 5 of us played till mad and all the beatings as punishments realli hurt. Tink me n eldest cousin got the worst canes from all e other cousins ba.
Then went swimming today. After that went cousin house for pizza. K, though these few days didn realli go anywhere far but its e feeling. One big family get together and had fun. Wahaha, so nice.
At the same time, projects are almost done and after tml, i believe that all of us can get more rest and fun than before. Heehee.
So, its new year, hope all of u have fun and good luck for the year ahead. Jiayou Jiayou Jiayou!

Chirstmas

2006-12-26T07:38:00.000-08:00

It had been raining the whole of last week, and occasinally the rain continued for a few days withou stopping. At the same time, i guess it stopped many fun outdoor activities too. However, thanz god that weather spare us on the weekends, which is christmas and eve. Imagine its raining while orchard rd is still pack with ppl...
Indeed, on christmas eve, enting, may and me went orchard road. We actually wanted to enjoy the joyous mood budden its not joyous at all, we had 'enjoyed' being sardine, packed in the can.
Having enough of the squeezing we proceed to Marina and decide to settle with a movie for the night. Death Note 2: The last Name. The last name belongs to Light. The last person who died bcos of the Death Note. Ok, to be fair, its a nice movie, so nice that i actually catch the movie again the nxt day with my cousins. Heehee, but im jus nt happy that Light died, cos after all hes my fave character in e movie and in e comic itself. Though he got sidetrack in e middle of e killing and the way he punishes criminals is abit extreme, but still somehow i agreed with him, sometimes sacrifice is needed.
Furthermore, different ppl have different definition of justice. No one had the right to justify or to correct the definition cos theres no rule or law to say hw justice should be. You and I, had never seen justice in its truest form and so who can determine that what justice is actually is?
Anyway, had my fill of fun this christmas. Mahjong, movies, friends and greetings. Its wat i get... warmth.
Then went for another movie today, 'Night in the musem'. ANother movie, however, this time a light one. A comdey which requires not much thinking and storyline is simple and sweet, suitable for all ages. After the movie went crystal jade for dinner which make alot of us very full but of course its yummy. Wahaha, thanz to my auntie for treating us.
Hmm...relationship, is realli a headache. I noe sometimes whom we love most will not be with us forever or we may not end up together. Howeva, if we are to get married, i tink its still best to at least find someone u like instead of someone u need. Becos u love him, u give urself to him. You need him doesnt means that you will want to give urself to him, end out it will turn out a torment for both party. Grab a boat if you are to drown, dont grab a float. In the end, you are still floating in the sea, waiting for that boat to come along.
That will be all for today. Hope you guys enjoy christmas. Night.

Finally hit 18...

2006-12-21T06:16:00.000-08:00

Finally its the holi and so far passed quite fast. Mon is my 18th bdae, went bedok and downtown with may n enting. Though its abit dead with jus 3 person going escape, still its my firs time there, n its fun. Well, spent most of the time queuing up for the rides than playing the rides, things were much worse when the weather is actually very humid, causing us keep sweating n sweating. This actually caused us to be veri tired after jus a few rides. Furthermore, all 3 of us got headache due to the bad weather, tink its cause of dehydration but enting n may tell me that its not. So both of them gave me a Tigger for my bdae which i love it alot. Sat went celebrate with Net that time already saw a similar one but i dont dare to buy as its actually quite ex but end out its still lies in my hands, Wahaha. Thanz a million times. Den quite a few ppl unexpectedly sent their greetings which make me feel that, 'eh, im not alone in this world'.
Tues rest, den wed and thurs did our ecd project. Mainly is the deco for our tea house. Ahaha, its realli alot of work and the 3 of us had to split the work. May do the wordings, Enting do the tea pot, tea leaves and me do the boi boi. Ahaha, matched everything together, looks ok and nice from the far.
Saw Jeff at JP today. Hmm...its a pleasant surprise to me cos its been sometime since i say hello to anyone frm Jurong besides Net and Jun Hong. Furthermore, hes one of those frens whom we onli noe of each others presence n had nth to do with each other in sch. Its rather nice for him to walk up to me and say hello. This unexpected meeting make me think back lots and lots of past. Compared to times when im still in Jss and now, im so different and had changed so much. Can i say i had changed for the better? In the passed im used to be so proud and arrogant, had the thought that everyone likes me so much which in actual fact that its not. However, when i saw Jeff today, i realised that im so different in the way i speak and behave. I cnt say that im much better now but at least im better, i noe where i stand. Hee. In fact, i feel that im a lil towards e introvert side. Im nt considered as soft spoken but sometimes, i jus dont like to talk and will tend to wonder into deep thoughts. I tink i am actually quite shy and shock when he talked to me today.
Due to this small meeting, i went through some profile of frens in my friendster and had realised that, JJ and HM is together AGAIN!! This realli tell me something. Those fated ones will owas b together, no matter hw mani times u have break or parted. Though nw im close to HM anymore or rather we are more like strangers than frens nw, i still feel happy for them, realli happy. Its kinda sweet when u noe that puppy love actually turned out to be a lasting relationship. I hope that they will last like this foreva and oso those in love to b owas in love.
SO that will be all for tonight. Nightx everyone and enjoy ur festive seasons!!

2006-12-11T07:29:00.001-08:00

Tink, its time to break down my character and some events i went thru before i turn 18 next monday. 18years on the earth is not consider long but its not short either, enough to change angel to devil and devil to angel.
In my 18 years of life, went through 2 deaths of my family members. At age of 7, my great grandfather passed away with age of 92. Im still young then and im nt realli sure hw he looks like and i feel then. All i noe is that i still had the mood to fool around with my little cousin and firs time i saw my grandma cried. My dad told me that my great grandfather had 'shifted' house and yes truly indeed, shifting hm to another world beyond our reach. Then next one happened last year, on my bdae, my granduncle died. In terms of blood ties, we are not close but in actual fact, he had been an important part of my childhood. Of course, by then, i knew what death is all about and this time, i cried.
Then in teenage years, grandparents all start to fall ill due to their age. Age is catching up on them. I had seen strands of black hair turning into sliver, jungle turning into blank, no longer as lively as before. Trace of years can be found on everyones' face, including dad n mums. Worries, fear did fill these years and they still did now. I can onli say treasure your love ones before they leave. At the same time, i am oso wondering for how long, can us cousins stay so closely in touch. Will it still happen when the previous generation had all 'shifted' house?
Of course, then it comes to all the separation and betrayals. Faced the firs and hardest betrayal when im 14. This lesson i will never forget and will owas remain as a scar inside me. From then on, my character changed. More complicated, more practical, more serious, more self conscious and its marks the beggining of maturity and growing up.
Real and true frens are realli hard to find in this world. Im lucky to still stay in contact with frens from pri. sch, sec sch and JC. Well, i dont have much frens and a large social circle. But im glad to have them with me around, the truest frens to me. Now studying in poly, May n Enting, i hope we will owas remain that kind of frens even though we may hav e possibility to be separated nxt year. Ups and downs, you will owas have me.
Ok, then here it comes to my character. Seriously speaking, im never feminine enough (though enting did say that im quite lady now) Yup, for nw i do have the 'outside' of a lady but inside im still a mixture. I have the stubborness, the clumsiness, carelessness of guy but oso the emo, the fickleminded, willful, spoilness of gals. Above are e few more obvious traits in me la...haha. You guys cn feel free to add more in. Howeva, still like many of the city folks, im still abit loss and dont realli understand myself well, cos sometimes i still will get angry with myself over some very minor stuff.
Then lets come to relationship. I have yet to taste the sweet n bitter of BGR and recently dunno why, im very keen in finding a handsome boyfriend. Wahaha. Looking for my Mr Right to come by and i realli believe that one day, he will come. My criteria as below:

At least 180cm
Tanned and strong built (dont mind abit on the skinny side so long as he dont mind my size)
Good looking or pleasent looking (Im a superficial gal but i dont wan a superficial guy)
Conservative guy
Humorous
Had opinions of his own
Likes freedom and give me freedom
Can cook nice dishes for me
Caring and protective

And the list goes on and on. But tink this is a super long entry. Hope all of u enjoy life and once again i realli thanz those who had made my life. You know who you guys are. Love you all. Night

huBby HuBby HuBby!!

2006-11-24T07:09:00.000-08:00

This week is alot better than last week as in this week is not as stress, at least theres space for me to breath. Managed to finish the FMGT project and for the time being, i can fork out some time to have my own fun and own space. Heehee.
I realli getting lazier, even when common test comes, i dont even bother to study much. Theres a CMA test on tues, but i onli study on the day itself. Pon HRM lect to study but end out i spend 1 hour plus in sleeping. Its not i dont wan to study la, jus that its v boring studying theory and tutorials all we had done before, not challenging to do smth u had done before, and had e ans in ur mind. Ahaha, but lucky the test turn out fine. I realli try my luck, forget the formula in the midist of the test and i actually figure and argue my way thru. Finally, decided to do e qns according to my own theory and lucky, i guess the formula correctly.
So wed i stayed home and Linnet come my hse. We went for a short lunch and came home to watch some shows and play mahjong. Played mahjong with my bro n his fren. OMG! Its been so long i've bicker with someone till like tt. Its like i am back to 13-14yrs old. Tt stupid xiao pang... Den Linnet watched some video in youtube and i just keep lazing ard.
Thurs went swimming with enting but didn swim much. The new swimming pool isnt tt good either. The onli nice thing bout tt place is the indoor competition pool...wahaha, i simply love it, somemore on e day we go, nt much ppl. AHAHA. Enting is oso complaining tt hw e pool r meant for kids n nt for adults...haha. I actually wanted to tan myself but haiz, nt much difference i tink, good for enting, she didn want to b tan.
Den today after tutorials went off to meet Linnet dey all. The open hse is damn dead. Mayb its cos of e rain? Or jus tt JSS is still nt a good sch enough? Well, its realli dead la. Wanted to see some teachers but end out realise that some went China for interimship. Den we rot in sch waiting for Mr Ching to come back for lunch. Hes lame, damn lame, become more n more crappy. I wonder hw the class cn stand him for 2yrs back in secondary. Again, like im in sec sch, keep arguing with him. While waiting for Mr Ching, me n Linnet had our fun oso, keep disturbing Xiao Pang. Frm far we keep calling him lyk tt, make him quite paiseh in front of his frens...AHaha. Anyway its been so long seeing my frens la, actually besides Linnet, jus one more gal, Siti la. Ahaha. Its fun and well, suddenly felt that i had cut off myself frm my sec sch classmates le., like v not update, Too involved in poly life le but well.. not much of e sadness cos, 4/4 is nv too united. Too much clique and politics. Im owas in my own world when im in sec sch, well, somemore i noe it, cos of my willfulness n bad temper, quite a no of ppl dont like me oso.
At e beginning of e sem im still worried that i may fall into tt kind of stupid trap once again but YES! I cn cfm to myself that, no, it will not n it will not anymore. Thanz god. I dont wan e kind of life i had in sem 3. Owas sad n weeping for someone nt worth it.
Well well well, Im so happy cos e show that i wanna watch is finally out and i get to watch the firs episode already. Its nice, n its those kind of show u have to watch it over n over again, each time u watch it, you will increase your liking for it. Wa... my hubby so cute n shuai lo... Liking Fahrenheit more n more. I owas gt a soft spot for handsome guys..Heehee.
So tt will be all for today. Nightz everyone. :)

My Future is Bleak

2006-11-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

Im stuck, Im lost in this big big world. Someone asked me wats my passion and my mind jus goes blank like tt. I had already passed the point to build dreams and my dreams is already gone. No doubt i can grab that lil lil chance in the air, but it jus feels so tired, so bleak.
I answered, 'Eat, play, slp and fun everyday, till the very day i die'' and Enting actually said that what i lack is passion. Yupz, indeed it is true, wat im lack is passion. I dunno wat i wan, i dunno wat i wan to achieve, i jus pass each day with no aim, no hope, jus hope that the holidays will be here soon. I simply dont like to work and i agree that im a lazy bum. No doubt i can study but besides studying, i dont like to lay my hands on any work. I had absoultely no chance to survive in this big big world cos all i wan is fun and play.
How i hope theres a restart button in life so that i can restart my life. Grab hold of the chance to learn something that i want, remake the choices i had made, and most imptly, i can have happy childhood for another 12years.
Im such an ordinary gal, tts when depression comes in. I felt that the depression is eating me up, turning my world into different shades of grey. Its not complete darkness yet but when its dark, mayb, its time for me to close my eyes.
Projects are piling, work are piling and yet, some people are jus so free. WOrk are assigned and all they wanna do is jus to push e work away. If i had the brains that i used to have, i tink i will not be as pessimistic as i am now. Im beginning to doubt my abilities, serious doubting.
I realli hope that one day i will marry rich. So that i no need to worry about my working abilities, so that i can have all the fun, all the food and all the merry of the world. Like i said, i dont mind dealing with politics, but pls dont ask me to work. I HATE WORKING!! I had been spoilt my parents and yeah, i agree with that. Tts me and i hope i will always be this way. ALways Dare to admit tt im spoilt, im a lazy bum and my ambition is to eat play slp. I noe some will smile at this entry and think, 'Everyone wishes this to happen u stupid gal.'' or ''Such a idiotic gal having such an idiotic dream'' but so wat, tts me. Im proud of having this as my ambition cos besides that, i have absoultely no dream.
If i have to tink that i have to slog for another 50years in order to survive, then i call tts bleak, VERY bleak. Work to live or Live to work? Sometimes, human got mixed up.

Entering the battle period...

2006-11-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

Life is going to be hell for the next 2 weeks. I mean hell. Projects deadlines are nearing, common tests are coming and i have no time! So many problems to deal with and i had absoultely no time. I can feel the stress, feel the tension and at the same time, when stress comes, i noe im e one who will suffer from headaches...
Today is a horrible day, a stupid idiotic day. For the 3 sems in my poly life, i had never seen any teacher that is that bias against us and that bias towards people. She simply spoils people mood for the whole day. For presentation, we did what we can. Ya, i agree that information are still lacking but im sure that the idea is sure feasible. What do you mean by realli high class? High class in a bazaar? Are you kidding me? Make it big? Ya, we did want it do but wat bout prices? Are you the one being practical? No personal attacks? Dont make me laugh my ass off. Who started the personal attacks firs? Stop being so defensive? I didn, im jus answering what u are asking. Vain Ass.
K stop all e cursing and swearing, lets do a realistic check. Out of the 3 ideas, we all can see it very very clearly, which idea is the most feasible. Its definitely not ours, ours is in e mid range. Which of the item you are likely to buy in a community centre? Food or accessories? Its not like i hav something against e other grp, its jus so happen that teacher''s favourtism is too obvious that none of the class can stand it. I can say that im so pissed that i will not give any face to tt teacher anymore.
Gals, are so soft hearted, so fickle minded. My promises are never kept. Even those i make to myself. I said never to speak to him again. I said that we will not even be frens but look, what is this? Its been a few months since we contact each other n today ends e period of silence. Im jus so FUCKING useless!
Ya...theres no more feelings for me but hw come gals owas have some soft spot for those she had realli put in effort? I dunno. Li Heng is lyk tt, Darius is lyk tt, he is oso like tt. I can never walk out in one piece when i fall.
Haiz...that will be all tonight. Night

Random Entry (2)

2006-11-09T07:02:00.000-08:00

Im dying...dying soon. Suddenly all e stress is coming. Events Management with ECD is a killer for me. If for ECD, we got in for the Bazzare, then i can realli go hang myself on the wall le. Firsly I have to help organise the Photo Competition for Events Management which everything my grp had to start from the scratch. Fund raising, finding for sponsors, finding someone to tend the exhibition booth, finding people to vote and judge the photos, then i had to make sure that, it is properly launched on the 6th of Dec. Somemore the organisers for the conference are damn not efficient...causing us a little problems. Haiz.. After that, i had to prepare for the 6th of Jan, the Bazzare at Yuhuaa CC. I can already imagine myself dealing with the budget and stuff like that. The WORST of it all is that, tt is not the onli project we have, we still have HRM, BLAW and FMGT. WTH... this gonna be so dead.
Went for The Grudge 2 yesterdAY. Erm...the effects are scary, in tt sense of the atmosphere, e sounds and the pictures, they are scary and they scare the hell out of me. As a horror show, its good that dey didn use any gruesome pics to maximise the effect BUT what they lack of, is e backbone -- The story line. Hollywood had been too ambitious. This is the Asia Market, we are the Asians. We Asians needs a good story for a good movie. If you want a scare yes go for e movie, but if u r those who like to look deeper into the story, you can forget about the Grudge 2 then. Basically, the ending is LOUSY, and the Storyline is EMPTY. The movie is jus there for a scare but not an entertainment. Not much satisfaction after the show.
Then went Sakae Sushi for lunch cum tea cum dinner. As usual, when we go there, we will aimed for our target. The 4 of us jus eat n eat, stuff n stuff, trying to stuff as much as we can BUT, i jus cannot stand it anymore. Im already till an extent tt my stomach is full with pain. Wahaha...its been so long tt i had ate so sushi so still e sense of satisfaction is there. Im so happy. Wahaha.
K, that will b all for today entry. Hope all of u stress is not catching up. Night

Happy Bdae to You

2006-11-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

Firs thing, Happy Bdae to my dear gal, Enting. Hope you had a nice n enjoyable night with us tonight. Hope we will have this outing more often.
Went sch as usual but we are actually waiting for the big event later in the day, which is to celebrate Enting's Bdae beforehand. Heehee, so actually before that i am actually quite moody cos i have no mood for lesson at all. Im actually waiting for the event to come by AND I AM VERY DISTURBED BY SOMETHING, which i dunno wat issit. Haiz.
Initially, all wanted to go hm late but i say no cos i dont feel like. Haha..alright, eventually i still agreed. We took bus 75 to Marina. Hmm...we owas gt e problem of where to get down when we go to marina so this time we actually over shot but still its nearer than e previous times that we actually walked a mile. We walk here and there in the marina square. Seriously, Marina is not a good place to shop in cos all e products are of high prices which dont realli suit students. Den Enting bout present for her dear while i ''aimed'' at tiggers at mini toons but i heartache n wanna save e money for Fahrenheit CD, so didn buy. Lets Wait till i have more money. After leaving e shop, we stop by this bear bear shop. Everything in e shop is so silky, so nice to touch n i actually wanna buy but again no $$. Days with limited $$ realli feels lousy.
After tt went Café cartel for dinner, as usual, we search for tt place for v long. Enting order sandwhich, me n may order salmon in terriyaki sauce, then order ice cream for sharing while i order additional oreo drink. The food is nice n VERY FILLING. Eat till half way, e all 3 of us are struggling to finish up the food, n enting did actually trick May into finishing e ice cream...Ahaha. I wanna announce tt this one of the most expensive meals i had pay for. Fancy $30+ at Café Cartel for jus dinner.
So Finally i decided to go hm late and went KBOX. There was this promo for members at KBOX and lady luck is realli with me and, So we can actually sing frm 7pm to 2 am for jus onli $12+ per person. We sang alot of songs, cn say tt we actually sing to our fill. May kept saying tt she dont dare to sing n sing not nice but end out actually she can sing de lo. As for me, as usual i cnt sing without someone guiding me except for those songs tt i am V V V familiar with. So 2 of em poor thing, have to bear with my croaking n out of tone singing. Haha...its realli realli nice and fun tonight. With all e singing and laughing. Hope e nxt outing will be like this one oso. So fun and enjoyable. Bout 11 plus den we leave frm Marina, one of e latest time tt i get hm. Im realli an adult now. Wahaha. So e 2 of u, r u honoured? I actually cast my principles awaya leh.
So tt will be all tonight and hope that e BDAE GAL did actuAlly enjoy e night with us oso cos i realli tink tt i had my fun too. Hahaha. Nightz everyone.

Its been so long im had do anything crazy.

2006-11-05T05:47:00.000-08:00

I had been hot bout this boy band for e time being, which is Fahrenheit. Initially, i like onli one guy which is Wu Zhun but as time goes by, as i start to noe more bout e band, i started to like e whole band, n soon i became crazy over em. Each n every one of em are so shuai and so cute. Hahaha.
Thurs evening went Town to search for Enting's bdae. Tot tt it will be a tough search but i nv noe tt its so easy but we are or she is realli lucky cos e thing we bought for her is already the last piece, n tt is wat she realli want oso. But hell, its was so damn expensive. May said tt its normal cos its almost impossible to buy it elsewhere le but still it is so ex lo. Its a disappointment for me instead cos i didn manage to get e Fahrenheit Cd i want. I mean yes i did bought it in e end, but its not e version tt i wan. I wan e ticket to their event and oso e VCD tt come with it. I ran everywhere, Heeren, PS and even places like JP but all were sold out!! No choice but to buy jus e cd. Haiz...sometimes you shld nt ponder too much bout stuff, i realli regretted tt i tink too much. Since when did i give a tot to monetary value? E firs time i tot bought it, i am regretting like tt. Haiz...
Fri went party world with my father. Hahaz..its realli like wat enting said, e rooms are big. We sang quite alot of songs but still i dont feel tt its enough cos most of e time, my bro was singing n when its my turn to sing, my dad actually rush us to go hm!! So unfair!!
Today as usual is my family day. Hahaz...im playing e so called 'ping pong' with my bro n cousin when e ball jus hit e ash tray n e whole thing jus drop to e floor and smash it into pieces. That was quite alot of commotion then n i actuallly hurt my foot when i accidentally step on one of e pieces. Everyone jus rush in and my grandpa had to take e broom n swept e pieces away. E ash tray had been in e house for as long as i rmb, n i tink its life span is even longer than my time on earth. Anyway, by relating this story is tt, i realised tt its been so long tt i had do anything foolish or crazy. I suddenly realized tt i had been brain washed by reality n forgot the fun n thrill of getting into trouble. This one small incident actually made me tink tt im so far away from my childhood. I tink its time for me to get wild nw, if its possible.
I finally noe e reason y im weird cos theres smth inside which makes me feel so uncomfortable. I tried to refrain myself for tinking e unecessary but still everything seems so possible. So nw, im jus gonna keep my distance away. Like i said, Im still nt ready for a relationship and im enjoying my single life, though my family is now tinking tt i had a bf already.
So tt will be all for today. Nitez everyone. Its been so long since i last blog so it will abit long. Paiseh. Night

Death Note

2006-10-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

Yes! I finally got to watch Death Note. By right, last fri i cn get to watch e show de but due to sm accident, postpone it to today. Haiz but still, Im so so so so so so so happy after watching it cos its a good movie. Most part of the movie follows e comic budden like i said, e male lead moon still doesnt fits well into the show, dont suit e image. Moon is more cool and intelligent in e comic. Everything is e same, but e male lead jus could not give me those v cool feeling. E pace of e show is abit slow in e beginning n some ppl may find it boring, but at e end of e show when L appears, thats where e climax is.
Moon killed his gf and some said tt its cruel to do so. However, in my view, Moon is jus a reflection of ourselves. At times, we will put e interest of our love ones at stake jus to protect ourselves. At times, we will be taken over by our so called our sense of justice or wat we think that wat is right and do smth that is even more extreme and morally unright. That is human, and that is y besides e intelligence battle between L and Moon, these reflections become the second attraction of the movie or e comic. Take a step back, besides being a comic, an entertainment, its quite literature actually. Human have both god and death god in us. In e good times, god will owas b ard but during e bad times, god may appear but for most times, death god is e one who take over e god. If human are so kind, den we wont sacrifice chicken, pigs, and other animals jus to fill our stomach and e world wont b wat it is nw.
Overall, its a Good movie and I love it, though e show is abit saddist la. Anyway, had fun watching e movie and i will follow e second episode. I nw feel weird, v V v V weird. Hmm.. i oso dunno wats weird. Jus weird but for today, i will jus discuss everything till here firs ba. Nights everyone.

A random entry.

2006-10-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

My target for this sem is 3.7 but i doubt i can make it. This time I have interest in Lects but no interest in tutorials, e moment i look at e questions, i didn even wanna lift my pen to write or at least scribble down some stuff. Haiz...but forget it, hope the momenteum will come as e sem moves on.
Fri after sch went meet Linnet for dinner, do one tutorial den there i go hm. Slack at hm, rest and watch DVDs. Some very old show le but still its quite nice to watch em. Recently Im very into Jet Li's old movies. Those Huang Fei Hong, Tai Ji Zhang San Feng n stuff like that. Actually if u look close enough, hes realllllllllllllli reallllllllllli cute, cos occasionally one or two very funny look will appear on his very stern face, kinda comical. Love him so much man, BUT his VCDs are hard to get hold of, every VCD shop i went to, i cnt find em. If any of u have any lobang on getting his VCD, inform me pls! K guys, I noe i sounds like a foolish gal here, so in love with an guy old enough to b my dad but still hes shuai la. Those heros..wahaha...wish my future bf will b someone like tt oso.
Den sat n sun is staying at hm and at my grandma hse. As usual had mahjong and wahaha..I won!! Its such a rare occasion tt i actually won, n i won it big. Heehee. But each time when i won mahjong, i noe smth bad gonna happen. I dunno wat issit this time, but e ominous feeling is there. Haiz.
Nxt wk tink gonna b a fun week for me and i realli realli hope tt i get to watch death note. Had heard several comments tt e movie is nice. So, tt will be all for today. Night every one and thanz for hearing my blabbering. :D

Sch Reopen

2006-10-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting, waiting for a month plus for this day to come...and yes, finally sch is here again!! It is the second day of sch and i feel so alive, with sch work and frens to fill my life again. Life at work is boring and it is realli like wat i say, no life.
Work ended and again, i cn laugh n chat with frens. I cn be myself again, nt like hw i surpress myself at work. Ppl may question, ''Is life at work so like hell?'' and I will definitely ans a Yes! Hell, hell and hell. Work is owas not in my pirorty and i dont wish to c myself slog for work for e rest of my life. Marry rich, will be my life goal, for nw and in e future.
Death note coming out on thurs but frm wat i noe, its not as nice as e comic. I personally feel that the male lead Moon cannot carry out e feeling cos hes too dark!! Moon shld b v v v fair in order to carry out his ghastly feeling, being dark is too worldly. If im e director, i will find someone who is as white as a piece of paper to star cos only this cn carry out e ironic feeling. Anyway, i alrd plan to go watch this fri. Dont care if he wans or not, im going to watch it. I mus!
I nv noe i have e Tai Tai look until May told me today...wahahaha. Can it be considered as lazy? Dunno, but if its lazy, i dont mind cos Im LaZY and tts wat i realli proud of. At least i tink that this is one of my traids. I have my own special ways of being lazy. Ahahaha.
So tt will be all for today and had noe a new fren today. Rather happy and hope u too... Nightz. :D

Shopping Spree

2006-10-10T08:26:00.000-07:00

Its the countdown to the end of attachment, howeva, time passes slow. Realli slow. I tot that the last week, everything will goes smoothly and time pass faster. Im wrong, utterly wrong. For the last week, i completely is in holi mood now. No mood for work and owas tinking of slacking, thus time passes realli slow for me. Im counting minute by minute. But luckily, jus 3 n 1/2 days more.
Yesterday went bugis shopping with may n enting after so long since we last met. I am actually looking forward to this meeting de, cos we had e money to shop now. heehee. We had baked rice for dinner and den we stayed ard bugis junction to shop. Erm... actually it is my idea on insisting staying in bugis junction cos for me, i start not to like the idea of shopping in Bugis Village. Stuff are too common there and its like everyone owns the same thing as u.
So stayed around bugis junction till bout 8 plus going to 9. JUs bout 1 hour plus there, i spent over an hundered in the juncion itself. Bought a bag and some cosmetics at red earth. Furthermore, these cosmetics are already discount! O god, im realli good at spending money but sux at earning them. However, still its a shopping spree for me and i had my fun. However, i still lack a pair of shoes!! Its a coincidence realli, we happened to meet eve there, who told me tt she would not be free!
After that went bugis village and bought another necklace. May bought nothing while enting bought some necklace oso. Overall i had my fun shopping and spending money but after tt i do feel a lil guilty bout spending too much. Ahaha
K tt will b all for tonight, n i sincerely that this week will b fun n time passes fast!!

FInally

2006-10-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

Finallly, finally, attachment is only left with the last week. I sincerely hope that this week is the best week or if not at least a good and peaceful week. Its not i dread of the place, its jus that i dont like serving people. Uncle Bill did say before, who had never serve before? Parents serve the children, Wife serve the husband and government serve the people. Whoever need not serve now is probably in the other world. However, i still wanna served others as lil as i can, though it cnt be avoided. Leaving attachment will minimize the serving of others greatly. Yeah!! Furthermore, the longer i stayed there, the longer i dont like e ppl there. The secrets and politics have all slowly starts to surface out.
Fri got my pay for september and i realised that i had been cheated. I tot that we will at least get a lil more than the others due to the NATAS fair. But who noes, we jus got the amount $600.
Its my basic instinct to spend. Furthermore i had gone through a long period on being short of cash and cnt buy wateva i like and want. Of course, after i got my pay, i immediately went shopping. Bought 2 tops at Red2 and at first wanna buy some cosmetics from Red Earth de, but come to tink of it that im going shopping tml, i refrain myself from spending too much.
YEsterday went for a movie with my family and cousin. World Trade Centre is the show. Nice and touching show but sometimes it may become too boring for the auidence. On the whole, the show is still worth watching and paying for.
So that will be all for tonight. Night guys !!

Finally Over and Some rest...

2006-10-02T05:08:00.000-07:00

Had been some time since e last entry. Haiz, can say tt im still a little sad over some matter. Sometimes when i wonder into the space, i cn still tink of him n everything. Not say tt i still gt feelings for him, jus tt I am once so into it.
Enough of some sighz and lets come back to some good news. Finally, the travel fair that i had been dreading is over. I am super tired after the 3 days, had been doing sales, moving stuff, giving out flyers for full 13 hrs during the fair, with onli lil slp. However, now its all over and today is my long awaited one day break.
Initially wanna ask Linnet out de but haiz, she said that she had xtra lesson. YanPei say that she had to choing for As le and QianYi said that she had lesson till 5. All these old frens had no time for me. Luckily ended out i still went out for movie with WeiSheng.
Bout afternoon went out to meet Linnet. Its a sudden decision by her and me. By right is I pei her in Library to study de, end out, haiz..we went jp to walk walk while i wait for time to pass to meet WeiSheng lo. Have been so long since i meet her so im rather happy. Ahaha.
Den bout 4 meet Weisheng, watch e movie, have a drink and left for home. However, there is one thing i mus say to u guys. There is Nth between me n him! Have been recieving some weird comments bout me n him can me one pair. I noe its rare and weird for me to readily agree going out with a guy but its nt that there is smth between me n him. Its jus tt hes my cousin fren, my fren and i treat him as my big bro. When going out with him, i was owas laughing n treated like a kid. Not much ppl treat me this way and i tink its rare.
So I had a fun day and can say that i had enough rest. SO tt will be all for today and i hope that everyone had a good time too. ^^

A disaster that should have happened happened...

2006-09-24T04:44:00.000-07:00

I noe of a bad news that should have happened long ago. Some guys had read my old blog. For those of you who frequent my blog should noe that my previous blog for the past 6 months is nth but bout A and he had actually read that along with his frens. Seriously i forgot bout wat i wrote in there but i noe its all bout hw i feel n tink bout him then. Nw they had read that, I gt realli nth to say. Initially tot that i actually wanna b his fren but nw, i tink i better stop contacting him.
Its nt my fault actually, neither is his. I had my freedom to do wateva stuff in my private blog and he too had his freedom to read anything that is on the web. Its jus that, after reading, everything jus gone like that. Initially, im realli angry and upset when i heard this news but i noe, i had no right to. Though it feels like my privacy is being intruded and my deepest secret is being dig out but nothing is private on the web and i had learnt this lesson the hard way.
The onli thing i should feel lucky is that, my latest entry in that blog is bout 2-3 months ago le and anyone with brains should noe that, im no longer carrying a torch for him. Im lucky that they actually found the blog onli till now and not back then. If its back then, i tink i will cry it out loud and not like this, blogging here calmly. Howeva, still, i had to admit that the whole thing still affect me cos im loosing mayb not jus one fren but 2 fren.
I realli should not start liking anyone for nw. If e same thing happen to me again, i tink i will not be able to withstand e blow.

4th week of attachment = getting bored

2006-09-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

Doing the morning shift, time passes fast but when you do the late morning shift, which is from 11-8p.m., you will find that time passes alot slower. Worse still, when there is alot of ppl on the shift, there will be cases where 2-3 ppl to a set of PCs and phones. Im too lazy to serve the customers and fight over the PCs and phones, thus everyday, I jus sit there do nth and slack ard. As usual, my passion for things owas cannot last and died down quickly. For the first few weeks, things seems interesting and fun, but as time goes by, its all the same everyday. Haizzz. Im simply so BORED by the whole job and hope that it quickly ends. Lucky its already the 4th week and starting the 5th week. Finally, its ending soon.
Today half day at work is slack and surprisingly it passes rather fast ahaha. Then went home sleep and meet WeiSheng in the evening. At first im wondering if i shld go out with him cos i realli scared that it will b real awkward but in the end, I still decided to go. He treated me to Cafe Cartel. He told me that it will b ard $10+ but turn out to $20 plus. First time in my life treated by someone not so close abit paiseh. Wanna pay him back but he said no and even secretly go pay without me knowing. After dinner intended to watch movie but all movie starts v late so we dropped the idea cos i dont wan to go hm too late. Ahahaha. Today i did one stunt, rather paiseh and made him laught till mad. GOD!! Im so EMBARASSED!!!
After dinner then we left for home but talked quite alot on the train and yes!! NO AWKWARDNESS!! Surprisingly oso that he didnt smoke on that day and no vulgarities from him...ahaha. After we bid goodbye, i went JP Wallet Shop and bought a new wallet with the pay i got a few weeks ago. Heehee. Finally a new wallet and first time i bought such a ex wallet but lucky have 15% dicount coupon. HEehee.
SO there goes my Saturday night. Can say that i have fun, hope you all had yours too. Night.

Love

2006-09-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

Its been long since i touch bout the topic love in this blog basically cos there is no longer that so call someone for me and nt much to blog bout this kind of topic when u dont hav tt someone in mind. Well, today i blogged cos yesterday met Enting n touched a lil on this topic, n today at work, oso touch a lil with Johnathan.
People owas like to ask if he/her is single or attached, n my ans would owas b, 'Ím nv attached.' Many would not believe it though. Its common. Johnathan as someone who is 5yrs older then me asked me ''So are you desperately looking for one now?'' I tot i will say YES but i surprise myself saying a NO with no guilt at all. I tot im eager to find one but when this question comes, i noe that, its truly no. Im enjoying my single life.
I told him frankly,''I will nv make a good gf and my bf will have high blood pressure if he have me as a gf. I simply dont have the time for bf. All my time is for studies n family'' This is one of the main reason, another reason is wat i told Enting yesterday, I still believe in Fairy tales and those Taiwan shows. I believe that my love story will b a romantic encounter (though im much of a romantic soul myself), and something that will make me rmb it foreva. I dont wan smth like the society now, go through nth and left nth behind. Its as though the relationship had nv ceased before. I dont wan to go thru love so many times. Jus one good one is enough though i truly doubt that i cn hang on to one guy foreva.
YES! Im contridicting myself. In fact when it comes to this, im owas contridicting myself. I dont wan to b tied down but i wan to b showered with concern. I wan to give but i noe im a selfish soul, i wont go out wholeheartedly. I wan to find someone whom i cn love him with all my heart, but i noe i will nv allow myself to fall thoroughly for anyone else except myself. At the end of the day, I will still love myself more than i love my guy.
Haiz....too much rubbish for today le, so that will b all for today. SO night everyone.

Third week into ITP...

2006-09-12T07:15:00.000-07:00

This is already the 3rd week into the attachment. For the past one week, all we have been doing is just handling calls and serving customers, close sales and make sales. U can say its rather boring but everyone says their attachment are boring. Anyway, Still have 4 more weeks to go and further more, at the end of this month, I gtg for e travel fair and have to work even on sunday from 9am-10pm though, there will b xtra cash. I rather wan my sunday than the xtra cash. Haizzzz
NOthing much happened and time realli passes by v slowly, have been craving for weekends so badly now but lucky for this sat, i have another day off. Thus this week can be considered as a short week to me, still, 3 more days to go.
Today at work is super slack today mayb cos that Molly is not around and we will do wateva we like. Some of us jus camp down there, eat tidbits and chitchating. Wahaha i noe its abit bad la, but when Molly is ard, we wont b like this anyway.
Meet Enting today for dinner. Had been some time since i last saw her. I intend to eat Crystal Jade but changed to Pizza. I tink i owas influence Enting to eat those ex ex stuff, but work so hard, have to pamper urself at times. Heehee. Eat till halfway, im falling aslp le cos im super tired. Nowadays, i realli cannot tahan for v long after work, have used to sleeping early le. After eating, went buy dinner for her dear, pay phone bills and we left JP.
While waiting for bus saw YongSin, have a small chat and left. Though its a short and tiring night, but meeting frens still feels wonderful...ahaha. So that will be all for tonight, good luck and night to u guys. Night!!

Attachment...

2006-09-02T03:39:00.000-07:00

Exams are over and attachment follows. Before attachment, had recieve a no. of msg from some ppl, wishing me good luck for attachment n i thanz these people frm the bottom of my heart. I realli doubt i cn pull thru for the whole holi since i nv stay long for a job n i basically hate work.
It had been one week at Transtar Travel at Golden Mile Complex. At firs when im posted to Golden Mile, Im super unhappy cos seriously i had no idea on where it is, wulu, far from MRT station and the whole place is filled with weird people and weird smell. At firs glance, the whole place totally sux.
Work started formally on Wednesday. Firs day at work, though not familiar with the packages and the systems, we are forced to handle calls and serve customers. Molly (the manager) said that its for us to have some hands on. So no choice, we are forced to handle calls n customers with the help of our seniors. As day goes by, with the help from various ppl like Jo, Frevone and TingTing, we started to get used to the life there and know how to handle the customers, though there is still alot to learn for us. Im happy working there as there is plenty of stuff for me to do so that time passes fast. I can even forget lunch if nobody reminds me that its lunch time. Firs sucessful job that make me feel like continue doing it, mayb cos that i noe i had no choice but to do it.
The people there, no matter it is colleages or the customers, are all very nice people. Few customers even praises me that my service is good and im friendly. Ahaha...i nv noe that i cn do so well in service. Jus a few days at work and i recieve these praises, mayb that is cos I enjoy serving them ba. Hee. At work, Jo patiently teaches us all the stuff bout package tours even by forsaking her own sales when they are actually commission based workers. Frevone helps us handles the more troublesome calls and even handed me her locker key to enable me to safekeep my $$ after the flunder i made on Wed. Tingting too, patiently teaches me how to handle the proceeding work after selling off an package. Collien treats us very nice oso, make sure we have our lunch and feel comfortable jus like Frevone too. I sincerely feels very grateful too these people as they realli make my each day at work.
Today is firs time working on a weekend and there not much customers, causing my sales to suffers. Didn do much there, jus keep on folding e cards and talk crap with Johnathan. Can say that its the slackest days since wed. Johnathan is funny la...complain here complain there ahaha. We 2 jus sit at one corner chatting while folding the cards.
Howeva of course not everything is good there. I dont like the upper management level. Molly can be late for work everyday for at least half an hour. In front of us she seems so wow.. but in front of e boss shes jus nth. Seriously, she shld set a good example to us, though i noe she seems to quite like me.
K, that will be all for this week. I noe it had been sometime after i blogged but no choice im tired out everyday after work. I hope Enting enjoy her work n too, Linnet study hard for her coming exams and good luck to her. K..Bye bye everyone.

Examinations....

2006-08-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Its been some time i've blogged, bout a week plus. Basically not much things happen these few days cos of exams, exams n exams. Had to prepare for em and at the same time, watch VCD...ahaha. But frankly speaking, while im studying, im tinking bout 'Princess Hour', but when im watching, im nt tinking bout study, can say that i lack the last push during this exam. Well, its owas e case anyway.
This time round, all e papers, im nt as confident as i am compared to common test. For each paper, at least 10 marks gone. I struggled thru OM paper, Crap thru EC and smoke thru FIT, to me, onli PMKT paper is the easier paper. Haiz...die le this time, hope realli can make it to 3.7. If nt at least an 3.5 PLS!!!!!
Well, today went KAP early to teach WeiSheng FIT, though im of not much help. Erm... firs time being at the same table with a smoker. Seriously i dunno hw to react cos i dont like but abit paiseh to say out cos hes actually my cousin fren so nt tt close. One thing im actually afraid is that my clothes will be stain with all e smell but lucky dont have. Hes quite a nice guy la though abit too vulgar le. The whole morning im hearing those v v profound de vulgarities. Its been such a long time tt im getting along with this type of people. I nearly forget that they actually exist. Not meant to be deragotary and like i said, hes a nice guy. Jus one year diff n he make me feel like im a xiao mei mei in front of him...Haiz...ANyway, glad to hear that he WILL pass FIT since he say that the paper is easy.
After exams, went study with Enting till not long ago jus reach home. Like i say, i realli no mood to study n read here read there, its still all e same. Its like i had read them for a hundred times n its inside, revision makes everything seems so...boring n foolish. Jus one good thing is that i manage to finish memorising the formulas. Realli hope that AAA paper is easy and i will score realli well cos well AAA is e onli module that i have confident to get an AD. On e way to meet Enting that time saw ShaoKai...haha, been so long he called out my name, feels so familiar but at the same time feels so strange.
Anyway, its realli a good day minus e FIT paper part. Consider the fact that i get to know a new fren (though before that we noe each other le), heard an old fren called out my name after bout 6 yrs and went study with Enting n crap n laugh alot oso. We 2 abit mad when studying oso la, so actually not to an extend that studying is realli that boring.
Finally tml is last paper n yeah, holi for 3 days n work. Hope everyone had a good time n nite. =)

Happy moments are Fragile

2006-08-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

It might sounded like a cliche to most people that happy moments are fragile. It often vanish at the firs moment when bad things happens and often people forget that they are actually happy jus the minut before. I simply dont understand why.
People who know me well will know that family is owas my upmost priorty. Its because they are important to me and i believe that they are the ones who will stay with me whenever im down or up. Yeah, it may be true but normally, those who hurt u the most is actually them too.
Im wondering that if i should keep on tinking that this is actually a happy family. Though we have no big probs in life but we have a time bomb in my family -- My mum. A very bad temper woman who will vent her anger on everyone each time she is not feeling good. I noe people will have their ups or downs but when it occur too many times, often, she hurts the people around her, including me. She is extremely fickle and willful, doing wateva she feels and not what she thinks, and often mistakes happens during these moments. Worse still, people hurt by her often have to feel that shes pathetic and even feel sorry for her .
Maybe she dont even fit to be a mother, she dont noe how to be one. SHe mayb a good fren but shes never a good mother. She cares for us and provide for us and yet, inside shes still childish and is like a kid. Too spoilt and wanna everything to be the way she wans it. Its a headache to have a mum like this in the family cos even sometimes, in terms of mentality wise, im even mature than her-- Last night is one good example, a going on 40yr old woman actually threaten to commit suicide when i pointed out that shes actually being unreasonable. The moment she did this, i feel that smth (which i dunno wats that) in my heart is actually shutting off from the world. Though, it hurts, it realli hurts to see someone so dear to you doing such stuff. She actually try to apologise this morning, but harm had already been done, can it be undone? I suddenly feel abit of awkwardness when she called me.
Whats gonna happen between me and her, will depends on the next few days.

A week prone to old frens...

2006-08-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

Firstly, attachment pay and everything is out. My pay is consider one of the better ones which is $600, budden hor e collegues wise, all i dunno n nv c before. Except for Jamine who is one of my ex schoolmates. Not v close though but at least sometime when we c each other in school we will have a small chat. A real small one.
This week im v prone in meeting old frens n jus yesterday i met 3 of them, Tues met 1. Keynes, JieSheng, Stanley and Poh Hui. For Stanley and Keynes i jus happen to c em, didn say hi or anything. But for JieSheng and Poh Hui, of course we did at least talk. A pleasant surprise.
The more pleasant surprise is that JieSheng is my pri sch fren and imagine that it had been at least 3years since we contact each other. I mean ya, we have emails n things but most of the time, its onli there for show, Hp no is jus a waste of memory space. I realli cnt recognise him at the firs look cos hes realli diff from pri Sch times. I still need time to process that who is he actually or mayb i realli sux at remembering faces. Well, on the whole, wat i wanna say is tt, he actually called me on my phone when i say i saw him. Its like as though the blank years are not there at all and the frenship is still pure and good. This is the magic of Pri Sch frens, its owas so simple and pure and a pleasent surprise when u met them. A pity that a big handsome guy n i dont have e feeling. Wahaha. Hes attached anyway.
At night, i saw QianYi's parent and have a small chat with them, n i managed to watch a very memorable horror show of my chidhood times too. Its like the whole day, im filled with the wonderful feeling. Heehee. Not only prone to old frens, but my childhood too.
Exams time coming n its all now study study n study. Hope i have enough time to study everything. 1week break n yet, i dont have e mood for study. This time round is like e mood is easily affected and disrupted. Haiz.
K, i tink that will b all for tonight. Hope all of u study well for coming test n exams n also, have a nice night.

Fireworks at Esplande

2006-08-09T04:27:00.000-07:00

Last night, which is 8/8/06, went esplande with May n Enting to watch e fireworks. Initially, i ask ask onli, didn expect them to wan to go but end out, both of em interested so off we go.
Went PMKT optional tutorial last morning and end out onli 6ppl turn up. We 3, HanLoon, Kenneth n Sara. Was rather surprise that Kenneth actually turn up n YongSing didn. Anyway, e tutorial was rather dead la, such a small class, n most of e time, e tutor is so call 'çhitchating' 'with the guys. Then us gals, talk among ourselves, didn learn much from the tutorial actually.
After the tutorial went for lunch n head for library for revision. Enting was rather restless at firs during the revision, keep talking n talking...wahaha. Ltr on, may cannot Tahan n ask us if we wanna go gai gai instead. End out we 3 decided to stay on till 4 cos enting suddenly got e motivation. Dunno where e motivation come from oso...
After revision head off to esplande. Wa....alot of ppl leh. Its been so long i come in touch with crowds cos everywhere i go, i tend to avoid places that are too crowded. Haiz...cannot get use to it. Went Han's for dinner. I order a full course meal n May order a spagh, enting too full n order nothing. Erm..dunno is their appetite too small or mine too big le. But realli, recently i tink smth ( which i dunno wats is that...mayb a baby??) gt inside me tt make me keep eating n eating though im already v full. They are rather...shock i cn say.
After tt we went book place for fireworks watching session at bout 7. 2hrs before the whole thing, its already so pack but lucky we manage to find a good spot to rest our legs. Then for 2 hrs, we sit there crapping n teasing each other but was rather fun...heehee. One sad thing is we didn bring any entertainment n FOOD with us. Make us so bored n mouth itch like siao. Finally e fireworks came n everybody dunno y, die die mus stand up to watch de...typical singaporeans...Haiz. THe fireworks are nice. Firs time come so close to it, so beautiful n nice...its like another world altogether. Took alot of pics till my HP gt no more space. Budden hor, many are redundunt n have to DELETE!!
After that went home budden go home that time is 10000000times worse than we came that time. So super pack that the whole entrance is gana jam. So stuffy n smelly and have to wait for bout 10mins before we get out and into the streets. Zzzz thats wat i dont like bout crowds. U push me n i push u, u touch me n i touch u...eeeek!!!
On the whole, its a beautiful night with beautiful memories. I tink i will rmb it 4eva. Thanz gals for giving me such a wonderful night. Muackz...

Happy Bdae Linnet!!

2006-08-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

Firs of all, Happy bdae Linnet!!! Bcos of her, today, im in a rather good mood. Heehee, even early in the morning, Hanloon said so too. Wahaha.
So i met her after OM tutorial which is at bout 1.30 when i reached Far East. We went to have lunch at Scott's road and head off to Taka, Kino. The lunch was at Ajisen. Seriously, have Crystal Jade till we 2 sian le, so no choice. We 2 sit there for an hour or so jus to chit chat...ahaha and as expected, mostly the topic was on my husband, YuanChang!! I handed the present to Linnet during lunch and lucky, she seems to like the gift. Thats wat im happy and relieved about.
At Kino, Linnet bought a Korean book and me initially wanted to buy YuanChang's book but haiz, short of cash so drop the idea of buying it. Then headed to HMV but the VCDs there is realli pricey and again, i dropped the idea of buying anything there.
SO we went Plaza Sing for movies. Again, intially wanted to watch Lake House but the queue was realli long then and cnt catch the movie in time, so we switched to Dragon Tiger Gate. Yeah!!! Finally i managed to watch that show. Nice show i can say, quite funny and the actions scenes are nice but dont watch it if you are those die hard action lover cos alot of things is based on computerised effects. Jus drop wateva perception you have to watch the show cos one may find the storyline abit old, but wat do you expect out of a 2oyrs old comic, right? Nice show realli....
After the show, we went to buy a bottle of Vodka home, consider as a mark of the beggining of her 18yr old life. Budden hor, that Linnet dont dare to buy and i have to pose off as an 18yr old adult to buy...Zz n i managed to pass lo. Do i realli look that old? Haiz...i guess so ba. Today buy QiangWeiZhiLian oso like that. Zzz.
End out, me alone finished half of the bottle of the Vodka cos nobody wanna drink. Alot of 'budden''s today but still a nice day after all. Nice feeling and nice atmosphere. Always have endless topic to chat with Linnet wheneva we r together n tts...RARE!!.
So that will b end of today''s entry. I had my fun and i hope u all had urs too. Its a friday night, a night for relaxation.

Shopping @ Bugis

2006-08-02T06:21:00.000-07:00

Today lesson for 2hours den went Bugis for shopping spree. At firs, e plan was to go watch movie but hor in the end, e 3 of us were so bored by e idea so we decided to went shopping at Bugis Village instead. Hmm.... Didn realli shop to my heart content cos im super short of cash! I mus persist for the sake of my Husband, somemore, im still going out on Fri...^^ Budden still manage to buy a few item which i tink is worth it. 1necklace, 1 so call bracelet and 1formal top for onli $10!!! So cheap!!! Heehee.
Mainly today is fun cos all of us bought something, even Enting bought things, n she actually bought e most la. Waha. All of us, try try here n try try there, here try there try, everything try try, so FUN!!! N we Walk walk here n walk walk there, here walk there walk, everywhere walk walk. We actually walked for at least 4hours, jus for the sake of shopping. No wonder people say shopping is the hobby of all women.. wahaha. Finally, all of us cannot the pain in our feet, we decided to call it a day n go home.
Im tired, so tired. Though last night i sleep early, i still dont have energy for today the shopping. Wats happening to me? One more thing, Im getting FATTER!!! OMG!!!
Haiz....My skin is in terrible condition, so lack of mositure. I tink i will apply some clear pores mask den tml apply some vitamins mask. Soooooo long nv do facial le, tml mus realli give myself a treat so tt fri i can pretty pretty go out. Whaha.
So that will be all for tonight. Love you all so much!!

The Rose

2006-07-31T09:40:00.000-07:00

Rewatched The Rose these few days. Frm Fri till now, keep watching n watching, kepp crying n crying.
The last time i watched is e beginning of Sec4, after 2yrs, some feelings is different while some feelings still remain e same.
This show is abit different from e rest of the Ou Xiang Ju. Firs, its more erm, literature n abit more empasis on e atmosphere feeling compared to e others. Second, the main charac is not wat we are looking at but the theme. Third, the male lead is not as handsome as the 2nd male lead, who is my husband, Joseph Cheung Yuan Chang.
The show tends to lead you to focus on how the charac is feeling instead of the main storyline which in turn make me cry alot. Cos i will feel sad whenever e charac is feeling sad. Haha.
Budden this show, i abit too into it le. EVen pon sch today jus to watch e show>.<>
I guess, this gonna be a fun n enjoyable week for me. Alot of outings, alot of spendings. Some sort of relaxation before e exam ba. Though, im already relaxed enough, to an extent that im getting lazier. Heehee.
So that will be all for tonight entry. Cheers!!

Empty...

2006-07-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

Finally, its all so empty within me.
Finally, i realli realli find no interest in guys le.
Guys are all e same.
So fickle and so not devoted.
Both good and bad ones are the same.

Finally for a period of time, i will not devote my time into guys and HIM. I can now concentrate alot of things and be myself again. Im so so so so so so happy that i finally achieve my aim. Mus thanz ShaoWei oso Cos he is realli a disappointment and i have lost faith in guys now.

Today meet ShaoWei but like i say alot of times, its nothing but awkwardness. Its not too bad la but jus that sometimes we dunno wat to say to each other. I mean its expected de cos we so long nv meet already. He changed, i changed and dont seems to understand each other as much when compared to last time. Howeva, the frenship is still there. He still jokes and tell me everything, and of course me too. Its a stupid outing today i can say, jus keep walking rounds n rounds in CCK. Damn stupid.
K, he told me some stuff which i nt realli happy bout. Which is lyking 2prsn at e same time. Till nw, i still cannot understand that how issit possible. Blame me for being ignorant but i realli dont understand n i dunno hw. Howeva, dont try to drill sense into me on this matter cos i gt my own philisophy too. Its jus simply unacceptable for me.
After a day without slp, im tired, realli tired. So i will end here n night everyone...

Attachment

2006-07-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

Recieved my ITP letter and i was posted to Regent Star Travel Pte Ltd in LAVENDER! If i took an MRT, i tink it should be alright BUT Lavender. Everyone is posted to areas somewhere near their house, JE, Tiong Bahru n me? Pratically travelling from one an to another end of the MRT line. Working hours is typical office hours 9-6 or 11-8. Hope it wont b too late when i reach home.
Haiz...but at least it is not sales which i dreaded lots. I hope i need not entertain the customers there. Mayb i can help to deal with the enquiries or help with the paperwork? In this way, at least i can learn how the whole process works and sure will be a benefit for my future working life. Jus hope that all is not nothing but jus my dreams.
Tml im meeting ShaoWei alone. When he mentioned to ask Amelia along, my eyes realli lit up for awhile. At least, it will not be that weird but haiz...she cannot make it. I do miss her n its a pity. Firs time going out with a guy. Seriously im tinking of cancelling off but since im e one who initiate e outing, it will not be so appropriate if i call it off suddenly. Im realli not use to the idea of going out with a guy alone. Some people may comment, 'wat the heck, its 21st century now. Wake up old lady! Its common.' but still the weird feeling is inside me. Wat i scared is e awkwardness n inability to react. I noe we are frens, jus frens (though some ppl thought that there will b sparks) but it had been a long time since we meet up, a yr plus ba. Mayb theres no topic at all.
Alan, a name that i do not want to be reminded of still pops into my mind sometimes howeva i believe its time to go n for goodbyes. Mayb like Enting says, he realli like me a lil bit but tts me. I realli think that im still not ready for a relationship . Im still not ready to the closeness and bonding of 2 separate gender n individual bodies. I tink i have to take it slow.
K, tt will be all for tonight. Nitez everyone!! ^^

Free From Locks

2006-07-23T07:34:00.001-07:00

People who cares I believe that i mus say a BIG THANK YOU to all of you. You all have been repeatively taking my nonsense over and over again jus becos i fall for one big idiot. I pin for him, cries for him, crazy over him, both happy and sad over him. However, more often, its tears that he gave me instead of laughter.
I can say that im a total failure. 9months and i got no progress on our frenships. Now, i tink all of you should congratulate me on getting over him. I cant be warrant that the next time i c him, my heart would not skip a beat or something. But wat i can assure is that he is a past now and im trying all my best to forget him.
Im fed up with him, disgusted with him and even feels that hes pathetic. He took joy in teasing me, talking nonsense and bull shitting. A insecure coward deep inside who eventually will hurt anyone who cares for him. I rmb once enting said, 'if he realli likes you and dont treasure it now, one day, he will regret it.' Im not sure if hes going to regret if im not going to like him anymore but wat i wan to show is that, i needed to be treasured and not tormented like wat it is now.
I owas knew that needing someone is a mistake, a real big mistake. Mayb leaving this pathetic forte of mine may means that my defense is up again but i dont wan to be controlled by anyone anymore. If he realli tinks that he can control my behaviour and emotions, then, hes wrong, utterly wrong. Even if im being manipulated and cotrolled now, eventually i will break off those chains and seek my freedom again. Now im going to do so. Im going to be myself again.
Again a BIG THANK YOU and A Kiss to those who had helped me, tolerate me, love me, give me advices during these 9months. Im going to end this stupid period and im sure you all will be glad to noe that.. I love all of you. Muackz

Free From Locks

2006-07-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

Ice skating.

2006-07-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

Basically im now tired, super tired. Today lesson at 9 and i onli manage to reach home nw. If theres no people sending me home, i gonna reach home later.
During EC lect today gt some kind of 'show' to watch. That Tay Ah Bee recently very PMS, scold ppl for no rhyme or reason. Jus one small mistake, he can nag you hours after hours. Den Han Loon n Yong Sing were crapping bout him which make me laugh like mad. After e lect, 6 of us, me may hanloon yongsing Huimei n Sara went wulu canteen for so call breakfast. Its been long i eat with such a big group and also firs time at Canteen 4. Haha...actually i like e feeling there la cos feels like e bonding is quite good. After that lesson time n off we go.
FIT lecture is quite boring cos e lecture speed through during the last page and seriously i didn pay attention n didn catch wats he is toking bout but forget it, i will find out a way myself. After that meet ChangFang dey all for dinner.
I at firs plan to have dinner with then, den play arcade awhile. den c dem skate awhile n i will go home. Howeva, i was drag into the skating ring by them. I didn even bring socks la n lucky ChangFang bring an additional pair. Hmm... Cn say today progress on skating is not bad, changfang say at least i got the style there already. Yeah!! All of sudden im interested in ice skating le, though due to too much bending, my back hurts alot.
Actually being with Changfang is quite relaxed and Juliana give me wise advise on wat to do bout him. Haha its a totally different feeling being with them. Actually im glad to meet them like this everyweek.
Finish off at 9+ but i waited for my mum till 10.30 cos i wanna take a free ride home. Im quite bored with the idea of going home alone so late, so, i better wait. Too much coincidence le, wherevea i go, theres SHerman. Met him for the 3rd time today. Haiz.
K, there will be all for tonight. I realli super tired...

Usual suspect....

2006-07-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

Today AF lesson watch the show, 'USual Suspects'. Its a show bout 5 guys come together to do so crime in order to earn money. In the midst of the whole thing, their services is engaged by the so call 'Soze'. One refused and ran away but was later found dead. The other 4 had no choice but to accept the offer. They carried out their mission but onli to find out that the mission is not like wat they are told to do. They are on a mission to kill instead of steal. After that, one by one drop dead with onli one survival being brought back to the police station.
Then the shows focus on who exactly is Soze. End out its the survivor who is Soze. However, quite disappointed when i got to noe that the guy is actually Soze cos hes short. I mean being a symbol of devil, shouldnt him be abit taller so that he can portray the authority of him. I understand that its to hide away his identity but... Basically i like the show alot, not onli cos of the twist and turn of the show at the end but also the charm of its actors. I seriously like the guy playing the role 'Keaston'. As the shows develop, i can feel the pain in him of whether to mend his ways or go back to his old path again.
I think when frens starts to be classmates for sometime, slowly they will become closer. In the past, dont realli talk with the 3 guys and now slowly we can talk though not alot. The feeling of helping each other out is actually not bad la...ahaha.
I tink that will be all tonight. Actually jus wanna to share my opinions bout the show here. Its my habit la, everytime i finish watching one movie or reading a story book , i will realli tink alot. Heres my blog and im here to write that out. Kk, too much crap le. Night.

Book Review-- A nice nice book

2006-07-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

Good books does not necessary brings you laughter, it can bring you tears also. Alot of them. I mentioned that i went to the library on Sunday n i have finished reading one of the book. Hmm...come to think of it, its been some time i read book of a Hong Kong author, i almost forgot their style of writing is more my cup of tea, more literature. For Taiwan, they are more comical. Both have their pros and cons. This book that i have finished is a Hong Kong author.
The book is about 2gals with similar looks, love and hate of their parents respectively. Theres alot of twist and turn in the story and I like the ending alot. Someone whom never been loved or love anyone in her life had finally found it. However its not those normal kind of happy ending. Abit of sadistic cos the gal was caught for mudering another gal who have the same face -- For the happiness she wants and had not had for 20years. A good book makes you keep on and on and on. I can say that its one of the best book i have read recently.
I cried alot during the last 100pages of the story. Basically the whole story is very grey. Mistake from the generation before are carried down and none had their happiness. Haiz...i like grey grey stuff.
Hmm...maybe its time to strive towards by goal? Howeva, come to think of it, my style of writing its more like writing a story than a script but wateva it is, reading n writing is one of my past time hobby.
Yeah, finally finished EC project for the time being. Jus left the putting in of images into the website. Phew... I tot that we will never complete the project. Haha...but end out the its quite easy, but jus some problems with the saving of file.
K night everyone. Muakz

Im tired confused but still going fine.

2006-07-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Children are nonsensical animals and my brother got into trouble cos of these nonsensical acts. Haiz, little gals, dunno wat they are thinking. Beat people up jus cos ur BF gana snatch? Ridiculous isnt it? I wonder when dey look back when dey are older, how would dey feel. One more thing, when did JSS teachers becom so useless and vulnerable towards these kinds of things.
Got back PMKT project and yes, we got the highest in class. Lucky our efforts are paid off, if not i cn go bang the wall. Seems like this sem, the projects are going smoothly and are much better. Even Ec which make us go rounds suddenly seems much easier today. At least half completed? Hope we can meet the deadline.
Im confused, tired with things. Sticky situations after sticky situations. Enting suddenly ask me, ' do you still like alan?' Seriously, i dunno how to ans. If i say no, i tink to him, its still smth more than frenship. If i say yes, its much less than that. He still stands a part in my mind but that part is diminishing.... fast.
He came talk to me today. He says ' you seldom disagree with me de.' Mayb im not in the mood cos my parents were having a quarrel jus nw? Or jus that the shadows of the nightmare i got from previous night still lurk in my mind that i got abit irritated?
Someone give me a knock on my head last night, telling me that liking someone is not a crime. Suddenly i realise that what am I scared of actually? All these while, im hiding, pushing, denying the fact that i want him and worse of all scared to let him noe. What issit that is keeping me from doing things? What exactly am i afraid of when everything is not a crime? I dunno and i cnt seems to find the ans. Scared of getting hurt so i shut out every possibility that he actually seems to be interested? I dunno. Realli ired and confused with this mess i have created myself but i tink one day, its gonna be fine.

Lies

2006-07-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

He owas bring me to heaven n push me to hell. This time, theres a possibility that i mayb wrong n i mayb right. If im wrong, that means im too easily swayed by words n not enough trust in him. I may sounds like a over possessive girlfren here though im not but as a fren, i still hope that he dont lies. Wateva the reason n motive it is, lies often hurts alot. Like someone did it to me a few years ago. A broken promise till now that i wonder why that person did not try to keep it. If he dont wan, he cn jolly well tell me that he dont wan to make that deal wth me. Hurt was all i feel and 3yrs later, history repeat itself jus that the male lead had been changed to another guy. Mayb i make too much empty promises, told too much lies that retribuition comes around.
Last night i have a nightmare due to the lies he gave me. I dreamt that May, Enting n me were walking in the school. Howeva, no matter where we are, Alan's owas there n with that mocking laughter. Mocking at me for throwing myself at him.
Liking him, maybe a big mistake. For so long, nothing happens and everything seems to go well n getting worse at the same time. Getting complicated and out of hand. How i hope everything cn be reverse, back to the time that i started to fall for him. During that time, my expectation was still not so high. Now, its getting higher n higher that it got out of control. I sincerely seriously wanna break away from it but...I cnt. I wan someone who will treasure me like i treasure me. Not someone who makes me laugh n cry the same time. Not someone that makes me feel like being a fool.
Today is FIT presentation. The teacher tell us that for details n facility wise, we are the best though we lack in something. For PR wise, its Hanloon's group the best. At least our effort paid off. Hope we can get as high marks as possible. Heehee.
I screwed up EC project. For that period of time, i realli feels so stupid useless n damn clumsy. Today is a day i have the lowest self esteem in my whole life. All my confident were gone to nowhere.
Thats all for today. Not a very pleasent day though. Night everyone.

Sunday - A trip to the library

2006-07-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Sunday, my dearest family day again. But lets talk bout saturday first.
Sat nothing special. At firs i intend to do tutorials but the previous night read story book till too late. Slept late n the whole day i feel realli tired. Slack at home, watch TV eat watch tv. At night went cousin house for steamboat. Ahaha, thurs i say tt i will get to eat crayfish in the weekends and yes i did. The dinner was nice but the tiff with my brother before was realli a spoiler. After the meal, as usual, went my grandma hse for overnight.
Today oso nothing special. Jus a normal family day which the kids at home, play mahjong, watch TV together. Its onli at night, sis, an, me n my bro went library which makes e whole day ends so nicely. We keep looking for story books and yeah we found wat we like. Make some effort to find storybooks for my bro too. He realli needs some books cos his vocab for eng is abit limited. Reading is a nice habit, so should make him love it. I rmb in the past, i oso hate reading. Its due to influences from my cousin that i started to read. Now, i cannot imagine days without books to read. Seriously, i will be bored to death with nothing to do.
After searching for books, went to the cafe for prata. Though nothing special but the feeling is nice, warm n simple. I realli wonder, how much longer we can have this kind of time together.
One bad thing is that theres a stalker in the library. So damn stupid i can say. How can a foerign Bang*** read chinese? This bloody idiot keep loitering around the chinese books section. So stupid so idiotic n so damn brainless. I dunno if that guy noe we know it not but the i can say that all of us were aware of that. Realli make me wan to shout out vulgar n point middle finger BUT im a civilised person. I wont do that.
Tml is FIT presentation n i hope everything runs smoothly n well.
That will be all for tonights entry. Night everyone ;0

FRENSHIP

2006-07-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

Nothing much today. Went sch early in the morning for EC lect but the problem is, the rain is so big that cnt even reach blk 45 lo. So, me n may stay in canteen 1. She do e cutting n editing of pics while i do my OM tutorial. After tt eve come get e neoprints talk awhile n left.
Tutorial nothing much n its been so long, theres an early release for tutorials. By right meet Eve for lunch budden end out she cnt make it. So e three of us went canteen 2 for chicken rice. Strangely enough, the three of us didn eat much n felt v full. Somemore, i onli managed to finish half a plate onli n tts v ~~weird.
Enting saw them in Canteen 2. Main reason why i cnt finish my food. Msg him n bout 9plus, 'frenship might broke off anytime so im giving extention to our frenship.' I dunno wat it means but seems to have 2 extreme meanings? Anyway firs time msg me smth so solemn, abit cannot get use to it.
Frenship, yeah. Actually tts wat i wanted for this stage in life cos still nt v prepared for relationships.
Abit sian cos im getting lazier in my sch work. Everyday go hm jus wanna watch TV n sleep, sooner or later im going to b a potato couch.
TTs all for tonight. Night everyone ^^

SzeMay's 18th bdae. A nice nice day

2006-07-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning went sch for AF. Today is the dunno wat flu day, need to take tempreature all e stuff. For the sake of today, i bought e lanyard, end out, its of NO USE!!! No tempreature taking, no checking of lanyards. Well, on the way to sch today, met him. He sat beside me n we have chat all e way till we reach sch. Chatted quite alot ans he make me laugh alot. Hmm..this has rather assured me that we are not onli online frens but REAL frens. Frens that can talk face to face without feeling weird n awkward. Before today, im wondering if we cn realli talk besides 'Hi' n 'Bye'. Budden cos of e close up look, i was tinking, ' e guy i like issit realli him? How come dont look like?' n most importantly, i dont have those kind of intense feeling a gal should have for the guy she like. Weird isnt it? Mayb e feeling is gone? Mayb not? Realli not sure but still im happy that we can talk.
May's bdae today n e 4 of us went Cine to have dinner n photo taking sessions. Though consider abit short for a bdae celebration, budden cnt blame cos dey have lessons onli till 5 n I dont wan go hm too late. Everyone of us hand our presents to May n she was like saying ' Wo hen gan dong leh' esp towards eve's present. If its me, i will be v gan dong oso. One thing to note, in everyone's wishings, all says the same thing to May. 'Mus learn to take care of yourself n mus grow up le.' Haha. But we noe, tts her.
Strangely enough, i love taking photos today. Cos everyone look good in the photos? I tink so cos e photo n neoprints result is realli good. Everyone looks pretty pretty n nice nice de. Heehee. But a pity, May n Enting no $$ to take together, while me n Eve dont have $$ to take together.
Its been long since e 4 of us took photos n neoprints together n i realli miss e feeling. Nice, warm n xin fu. E more xin fu thing is i wan to fill May's room with my bottles n bottles of star each year!!! I dunno if she had her happy bdae today but i realli hope she does as i had my fun n fill of xin fu too le.
Everyone mus xin fu ow. Night everyone.

Project handed up. Free for the moment.

2006-07-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, im still very screwed up with projects, 3 project this week. So havoc n hectic but as days pass, mon hand in one, tues hand in 2. Im now onli left with 1 project which is EC. I hope that everything will run well n pls dear comp, dont give us more problems.
Yesterday is PMKT presentation. Nothing much but im pretty confident that for presentation, our group is considered the best and the tutor looks quite happy with our product. The problem is, the report pages exceed the maximum amount by 2 times!! I hope that wont deduct much of our marks. Though the report is long, we still missed out some scope like CRM n SCM but can see that e tutor is already satisfied with it. Much effort n time was pump in to have it look this way, so pls...
My folding stars skills is getting better, i managed to finish folding 200 of them within 4hours. I tot im going to spend alot of time on them. Haha. Im quite satisfied at how everything looks like and i hope e someone recieving it will be happy n touched too. ^^
Hmmm... Recently abit weird. No guy attraction. Nobody interest me or no one to give me have those kind of second look thoughts. Ermm.. Actually i tink its quite a good thing cos finally im no longer needing peopl n most imptly, treat all ppl equally. That kind of simple n neutral feeling is the best i tink. Most imptly, i cn come open, clean n frank with anything ppl ask me.
Actually, today i feeling quite xin fu. At lect hall, Juliana n Xia Jia came asking me to go ice skating with them. Jus cos of their invitation, actually i suddenly gt e urge to go. Budden haiz...realli tiring n changfang nt going. I abit sian. Den changfang said that she wanna bully him cos he make me sad n stuff. Seriously, who doesnt feel touched n moved by these words? Though someone may say that shes being not so sincere saying these words. However, no way am i going to doubt her words, cos i TRUST her. Furthermore shes one of those fren that though we dont go out often but we noe that we cn tell each other stuff, share same interest n care for each other. One more thing, i enjoy their company though we are not so close. They dont treat me as an outsider. Suddeny feels that actually, theres ppl who care.
Im getting out of e big black whole? Sometimes, e blackness n emptiness still fills me up unnoticingly. Well, better dont give much thought bout it. Anyway tml going out. I shld bring out my best laughter to her. Yeah!!!

Moodless.

2006-07-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have mood for nothing. Jus wanna hide in tt small small world of mine n my story book. Yeah, mayb on e outside i look ok, budden somehow, i feel that i have lost my heart. To who? When did i loose it? How did i loose it? I have completely no idea. Im nt refering that im loosing my heart to that someone. But its like im being sucked into a big black hole. Loosing my interest for things, loosing love for my loved ones, loosing my moral, my principles, my passion for life. ..Emotionless thats wat u say. Life suddenly become so colourless and dull. No one to hear me out, to understand me and worse of all, trust in no one that dey realli understand. Im falling into something that maybe all humans would wan to deny. Life is realli nth worth achieving for, living for but still, you are born to live and born to die. We are here, we cnt choose but to continue living it.
A normal teenager sounds like shes planning for a sucide. Hmm...Not to the extend, but jus suddenly feels that my goals, my target, my dreams have all diminish into nothing. Jus take life as life, nth to look forward to, to hope for. My ambitions have left me so far, scars that leave me so deep, past that keep haunting me.
People speak to me of faith and letting go. I realli would like to. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years passed by, still i could not use the most neutral way to look back at my past. Sometimes, i still pushed it to the back of my mind and pretend that its not there at all and choose not to face it.
Finally, i admit to myself that Im timid, lacking in courage. I dont dare to face alot of things, fearful of pain and therefore, putting up pretendence that im actually strong. Few people c through it cos i dont dare to show, having e belief that many people will attack the weakest spot of mine.
A very grey entry. Nite

PMKT top in class

2006-07-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

Got back e last paper --> PMKT. Seriously i dont wanna get back the paper cos i realli have no confident at all. Compare to Enting and Sze May modal answer, mine is like bullshit and full of crap. Ahaha...but who expected that when i got back, i gt a shock. At firs i tot its 45/100, n i nearly cried, fear of failure. End out is over 50. Lucky me and still shocked cos i didn expect that. Hmm...seems like my hard work for this sem is not wasted? Mayb my target of 3.7 is within my reach? Overall, still quite satisfied with the results ^^.
Today he msg me while im sleeping. Its a xin lin ce yan. End out e result is that, I care bout him n he dont wanna c me. But at least this make sense on wat he send me a couple of days. Hahaha...surprisngly i dont realli care tt much. Jus scared that im realli a irritating n disgusting person. ><>
Lecture hall has a new scenary and it realli puzzles alot of us. Janice and Jacly? What bout Flo? I tot Jan dont like plastics? This wat she tell me isnt it? Strange things happening everywhere n i realli wonder what happened and the reason behind the sudden change.
Weird...Someone keep looking at us when we re-enter lect hall today. Wonder who are they looking at and why. Alot of questions marks in my mind. Waiting for the answer.
Another busy week to be...BUT maybe fri theres no ice skating n i wonder why oso. Nvm, i will find out why. K. That will be all for tonight. Not much people noe bout this blog. HeeHee. So onli to those few ba.

First eNtry. My secret Heaven

2006-07-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

That blog have been read by ppl who should not have read and have to change a new blog. Have been using it for a year or so. Seriously, nt realli use to this address but i tink i have to.
Fri night was both a sweet and disastrous night for me. He make me feel that i have hope and he smash that hope personally within few hours. We were msging each other throughout the day, though nt v often. As night falls, I dont seems to have tt weird feeling anymore and acted more naturally. He gt injured n so i asked him not to do this n tt. He replied 'Yes, madam lek'. Firs time a guy reply msg to me this way. I realli feel sweet.
Once he is online, everything changes. Telling me that hes crazy bout someone else. Its nt tt im jealous or anything. Jus tt, i dont like his tone, e way he tell me things. He treats me like an idiot and i nv felt this humiliated in my life. If he noe tt i like him, n he did this to me, den hes realli childish n ignorant. A waste of my 8 months time. Mayb hes realli not worth e while.
Sat night went for Fish&Co. Firs time eating oso. To be frank, its realli nice, mayb cos of e fact that i like seafood ba. Haiz...but expected, i spend $45 on e dinner itself. Of course, nt onli my share, but oso my bro share. My cousins, my bro n me, e 4 of us spend over $90 there. K, i noe its v ex but well sometimes, we need to pamper ourself.
Went grams hse den. E 4 of us play mahjong frm 11-bout 1plus. Then watch TV n e 4 of us headed for bed. Haiz...but its onli at ard 5 den we get to slp. Cos my bro is realli lame. He owas is, laming during dinner, during mahjong n even during bedtime. E 4 of us crap crap crap, gossip gossip gossip n finally bed.
Today is nt much fun. E younger cousins realli dunno hw to give in to each other n end out, e mahjong was nt a very enjoyable one. Nt like last night. However, get to eat alot of stuff, durians, crab and crayfish...Woohoo all nice stuff manz.
Will b joining Ice Skating Club. Well, hes one of e reason i joined. But another reason is that i wanna to make him angry like e way he pissed me too. Next is cos, changfang is there for me too. Ahaha...budden alot of $$ is needed.
KFInally, PMKT report done n handing tml. Nice days are here again. So good night to everyone and god bless u all